16 Chats You Only Have with Your Friends Now That You’re ‘Old’



You used to talk about boys. And really cheap vodka. And how stressed you were about an essay about something boring. And boys. Did I mention boys?

Boys you fancied. Boys you used to go out with. Boys who were hot. Boys who fancied you. Boys, boys, boys.

And now you’re old. Or at least old compared to how old you were when boys, boys, boys.

(Or girls, obvs).

Here’s 16 weird conversation topics you only chat about with your friends now that y’know, you’re old.


1. Parenting techniques. I mean sure none of you have kids yet. But did you see what’s her face the other day’s boyfriend and omg he so totally didn’t support the baby’s neck properly. And also strict routines? Are you going to do that? And like, are you going to breastfeed? And d’you reckon if you had the money you’d send your kid to private school or just go on more holidays?

2. What your favourite wine is. Because that’s right, guys, YOU have a favourite wine and it’s not the cheapest one available down Co-Op. (Spoiler: *might* be the second cheapest one, but whatevs).

3. IKEA furniture. Haaaaaang on, did I see over on Instagram that you’ve got a Billy bookcase now? WE HAVE THE SAME ONE. Do you like it? We love ours! IKEA’S THE BEST. And so on.

4. Different types of insurance and whether you have it or not. Do you holiday enough for annual holiday insurance? YEAH YOU DO, better get out the checkbook boys, because this gal needs annual cover. And contents insurance, what add ons did you get with your policy? How about life insurance?

5. Different paint shades because there’s this one very specific shade of grey you need to make your room look *exactly* like the one you saw on Pinterest.

6. What you got up to at the weekend. I mean sure, it used to be eating hungover McDonald’s and drinking pitchers in Wetherspoons, but guys, guys, THIS weekend you went to B&Q. And you went in the loft. And you cooked some duck. You are beyond wild.

7. Recycling because do plastic containers go in your recycling bin or nah?

8. Those plastic bags you can stick a hoover to and make all your clothes disappear because storage is v hard to come by now that your entire life is taken up by things like ottomans and succulents and spare bedding.

9. Which objects are currently on your household wish list because IMAGINE having a hand-held Dyson hoover. Imagine just whipping it out and giving the sofa a once over. Corr it is getting steamy in here. OR MAYBE A MILK FROTH DEVICE. Or a bath with taps in the middle. OR A SLOW FOOD COOKER. Sweet Jesus.

10. The fact your body is definitely showing signs of aging. Because you used to be able to go through the entire night without waking up for a wee and now every single blinkin’ morning at 3am your bladder wakes you up like hey hun, just me, hope you’re well, now get out of bed.

11. Pensions and whether you’ve got one and lol you’ve saved £450 in three years. Reckon you can retire early or nah?

12. Which friends from school are getting married/having babies/doing wild shocking things. Usually discussed using screen shots in a Whatsapp group because you’re mature and grown-up, obvs.

13. When to hang out. Because hang on I can do next weekend but only on the Saturday and then I’m busy until 2017 unless you can do Tuesday the 17th after 9pm and does any of that work for you? MAN WHEN DID YOU GET SO BUSY.

14. Politics and world issues because turns out you grew up to realise the world doesn’t actually revolve around you, who knew?

15. When you’re going to have babies and when you might get married because LOL LOL LOL remember when you thought you *might* already have a baby and a honeymoon by now and instead you’re y’know, not doing those things? Man, sixteen-year-old you knew nothing.

16. How long you’ve been friends because mate, how has it been THIRTEEN years since you were twisting your gel pens in Bunsen burners together. You guys, you’ve come so far together <3



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