Yeah, you got so drunk you lost your bank card and ALL of your dignity, but you’re still doing pretty OK. Promise.
1. You carry stamps in your purse. Sometimes. Every now and then. OK yeah, you carried stamps in your purse once.
2. You have a spare phone charger, because gurl gotta be able to Instagram stalk 24/7. Uh huh.
3. You have been known to slow cook things. On purpose. And not just because you accidentally forgot to turn the oven on.
4. You’ve got a credit card, a mega fancy contactless one, and it’s making your credit rating higher because you make payments on time every damn month. Even if it is for £20…
5. You once bought a friend a card for no reason because you’re mature and kind and it’s nice to just be nice. Go you.
6. You put a £45 bottle of champagne on your card and it didn’t get declined. You still made rent at the end of the month. High five.
7. You own a doormat. And a floor lamp. And ramekins. And three different kinds of tea. Fancy.
8. Sometimes you eat out and it’s not at McDonald’s or Nando’s or Pizza Express on a Wednesday. Yeah you do.
9. You own shirts and you wear them. Maybe a blazer too. And things that the Americans would call ‘dress pants’. You sassy, smart bitch, you.
10. You no longer spend Saturday nights getting wasted on £5 bottles of economy vodka. You get wasted on wine instead.
11. You have a house plant and it’s not dead. It *might* be a cactus.
12. You find good grammar like seriously fucking sexy. Like, sexier than abs.
13. You pay for Sky and it makes you feel hella fancy. Even if it is the basic package and HAD to have it because it came with your flat share, whatevs.
14. You buy more grey t-shirts and black jeans than any other type of clothing because why change a good thing, right?
15. You could lose actual hours in Paperchase, but get bored after thirty seconds in Topshop. Sequin hot pants? What the flip am I supposed to do with sequin hot pants?
16. You bother to separate your washes into colours and nothing – except that rogue tea towel – has come out thr wrong colour in years. Go you.
17. You’ve bought condoms or a pregnancy test before and strutted up to the tills with the vibes of someone who literally doesn’t give a fuck. You, embarrassed? Obvs not.
18. You watch documentaries for fun. OK, sure they’re about things like plane crashes and tsunamis and murders, but still – educational.
19. You own hand cream, like actual hand cream that you use and buy on purpose.
20. You eat olives. You eat fish. You eat avocado. Boy, you are a dinner party guest dream.
21. You know which political party is in power. You also sort of kind of have an idea who you’ll vote for in the next election. Because yeah you’re gonna vote and change the world and all that.
22. You’ve stopped uploading 50+ photo albums to Facebook every time you leave the country/have a night out/go for dinner because ain’t nobody got time for that.
23. You floss, sometimes. You take your make-up off before bed, sometimes. You even use a deep conditioner on your hair, sometimes.
24. You hardly EVER have to throw away pants because you totally misjudged your period.
25. When a witheld number rings you it’s pretty much never a boy you fancy prank calling you or debt collectors. Pretty much never.
26. You read books for fun and not just because they’re full of sex and absolute smut, cough 50 Shades, cough.
27. You’ve already achieved some of your dreams. Even if those dreams do involve owning a cat, going on a boozy holiday and affording a foundation that isn’t Dream Matte Mousse…