So yeah, really had to refrain from writing holiday season there.
1. OMFG!1!111!!!1!!! COCA COLA ADVERT. CHRISTMAS IS COMING, IT’S HERE, IT’S OFFICIAL.
2. This means I’m allowed my third takeaway of the week even though its only 17th November, because, well Christmas, right?
3. I need to remove £30 from savings to buy Yankee Candles in Christmas Cookie, Christmas Eve, Christmas Memories and Sparkling Cinnamon. It’s of vital importance.
4. So, erm, what does eggnog actually taste like? Anyone?
5. I’ll take erm, a litre of mulled wine please kind sir.
6. Wait, what, huh, why am I not drunk? I’ve LITERALLY drunk all the mulled wine. Well this is bizarre and hurtful.
7. New two-piece button-up fleece pyjamas from Primark with penguins and snowflakes on, come at me.
8. Wait, is it too much to also buy a festive duvet set and blankets and cushions and maybe put fairy lights up in every room? It’s not is it? It’d be totally sane to put all of this on my credit card so I can have a full on Grotto house every December wouldn’t it?
9. Going to watch me some Elf, Love Actually and Home Alone. THIS IS GOING TO BE AMAZING. Oh wait, hang on, I definitely own these films on DVD, why are none of them in their boxes?
10. *Drives in pyjamas and coat to Asda, purchases said films at £3 a pop, also buys some festive themed sweets and the new GU hot chocolate because why they heck not*
11. Oh good, I’ve cried at the John Lewis advert about 14 times, that’s nice.
12. I’ve spent ALL day Christmas shopping, I’ve been so productive, go me. Oh wait, i’ve bought one present and seven for me. Oh. How did that happen?
13. Better just check my bank balance and make sure I can afford the rest of my Christmas shopping and my rent this month… OH MY SWEET EFFING JESUS, THAT NUMBER MUST BE WRONG. NO, HOW WILL I GO ON? HOW WILL I EAT? HOW WILL I PAY MY PHONE BILL?
14. And according to my online banking I’ve been to McDonald’s quite a lot this month haven’t I?
15. Oh this Topshop Christmas jumper is so festive and chic and not ugly. I must have it. Oh, it’s £52. OK.
16. LIGHT UP JUMPER WITH REINDEERS AND ELVES ON FOR £15 FROM PRIMARK. I LOVE LIFE.
17. What does one wear a Christmas jumper with? Skinny jeans? A leather skirt? How do I make myself not look like my nan in this badboy?
18. Those edible tree decorations weren’t supposed to last until Christmas day were they?
19. I hope no-one on the tube can hear that I’m just sat here listening to Mariah Carey’s All I Want For Christmas on repeat. That would be embarrassing.
20. Oh em gee, the train driver just wished us all a merry Christmas, I think my heart just swelled with happiness and pride to be British and life <3<3<3
21. Oh look, people on the weather are saying there’s a 5 per cent chance of snow on the 25th December. This year will definitely be the year, it’s definitely going to happen.
22. I’ve eaten four mince pies for lunch. That counts as a balanced meal, right?
23. Ooooh, maybe I’ll go ice skating this year, that’s such a wonderful idea, it’ll be so much fun. *Falls over 4 times, hurts knee, holds onto edge entire time*
24. Maybe because it’s the festive season I’ll have a sneaky Bailey’s on the rocks, that’ll be nice. Oh fucking hell this tastes like thrown up chocolate in a glass a bit doesn’t it?
25. Is it wrong to buy a Christmas outfit for my cat? It isn’t is it? It’s for the good of Instagram.
26. DOWNTON ABBEY CHRISTMAS SPECIAL. DOWNTON ABBEY CHRISTMAS SPECIAL.
27. This turkey, pigs in blankets, Yorkshire pudding, stuffing and cranberry sauce sandwich is pretty much the sexiest thing i’ve ever eaten. Christmas dinner leftovers are da bomb.
28. Oh, I appear to have grown a gunt. YOLO.
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