Please note that the first part of this blog is lies. I did NOT write this blog post a bit drunk, I only wrote half of it a bit drunk. The rest I wrote whilst perfectly sober on the Central Line with quite (very) sweaty armpits.
I’m writing this following half a bottle of prosecco and no dinner. Classic. I’ve been celebrating new jobs with a friend. OK, so mine isn’t new anymore, I’ve been causing up a sex storm at Metro.co.uk since April, but my permanent contract technically only started last week, and my dear Andrea Logan is leaving her four-year post at New Look to join Arcadia. Exciting!
I’ve been putting off doing a new five things I’m obsessed with post until the whole post wasn’t just a string of lies of things I’d forced myself into being obsessed with for the sake of my post. But guys… Guys, I think I’m there.
Have a look…
This has apparently been the Nutella of the middle class for a little while now. It is essentially a jar full of liquidised biscuits, and I can confirm that it is better than champagne, steak and sex all added up together.
I’ve taken to eating it out of the jar with a plastic fork at my desk. It makes Sundays in the office bearable, OK?
Yes I WILL get fat, but at least it’ll be worth it.
My personal recommendation is to load up half a spoon with the chunky variety then dip into a jar of Nutella.
2. eBay Bags
Just before my holiday, in the midst of my clothing crisis in which I panic bought a bazillion things, I ended up trawling eBay for bags that weren’t just second hand Topshop and Zara styles.
These babies cost £4 and £6.69 respectively and are an absolute dream.
Following my ‘A Week In Outfits’ post which left me mortally embarrassed over my lack of arm candy variety, I thought I should step up my game.
Neither of these smell funny, look like they’re about to fall apart or came in wildly different colours to the pictures.
Two bags for the price of a glass of champs, pretty nifty.
3. Car boots
I’ve always been a fan of these gems. When I was little my Dad used to do a lot of car boots at Epsom Hospital from the goodies he’d pick up at house clearances, and I guess my thirst for them has continued into adulthood.
These days I tend to head to Needham Market, buried deep in Suffolk, almost entirely so that I can avoid ridiculously pretentious East London rascals who sell vintage products for 63378 times the amount they bought them for.
Homeware is my thirst, especially crockery. Here’s a few things I’ve picked up of late…
4. M&S heels
I spotted these gems on fashion stylist Rachel Story’s Instagram account from the SS14 press day and immediately fell in love.
As it happened, I was walking through M&S earlier as a shortcut to High Street Ken tube station and thought I’d creep up to the shoe department, despite not being able to pay my credit card bill, naturally.
£19 sweet pounds for summery leopard print feet. I think I *might* be in shoe love.
I reckon I’ll wear them twice before I remember that heels hurt and abandon them at the back of my shoe cupboard with the other shoes that are too pretty to sell.
5. Teen Mom Specials
Obviously my MTV teenage pregnancy addiction would come up, but seriously, HOW are these mums nearly a decade younger than me, HOW?!
There’s currently one-off specials that delve into the lives of the original Teen Moms’ lives, including Farrah, Catelyn and Amber. And my, what an abomination Farrah is.
She riles me more than tourists walking slowly on Oxford Street, and I love nothing more than hearing her say such obscenities whilst she rolls her eyes that I feel like I might start a personal Farrah Abraham is a cunt blog. Oh wait, is that a bit aggressive?
Anyway it’s amazing, trashy TV that soothes my soul and I feel like you should all learn to appreciate it more.
I *might* be watching Being Amber for a second time as I put this post together…