I’ve been told off repeatedly by those closest to me about my obsession with planning. I’ll only be let down, what if things don’t go to plan, you’ll be so disappointed, wah wah wah, the list goes on. In reality my list making and planning every tiny detail makes me feel in control. And let’s be honest, it’s one of the healthiest (both mentally and physically) sides to the whole control thing. I’m not let down or left upset because when I make these plans, there’s a teeny tiny part of my heart that understands it probably won’t happen in exactly the way I envisage it, and that’s ok. It’s a common coping mechanism for people who feel their lives are so out of their own hands, and I suppose when your career and job satisfaction is dipping up and down more than Colossus, and you’re permanently waiting for the next consultant’s appointment, things do feel quite out of my hands. And so I’ll plan.
I hope the next six months bring me more stability, I’ll say that. I’d love a calmer financial scene too, but with my miserable junior journalist place in society, I’m sure it’ll take more than a few years until Topshop can be my new Primark. But here’s a small round-up, a short list of five, a collection of the things that I want to have changed by the time the clock chimes for 15th August 2012.
1. I’d like to be paid a little more. Well wouldn’t everyone? I’d like to be able to afford the holidays I book, and the clothes I pick up from my countless charity shop trip. I’d like to earn above minimum wage, and I think that’s a pretty fair statement. I’ll be a month off 23, and should really be making plans for the future, and living away from home, this I cannot do without some little funds behind me, helping me climb out of my overdraft and into the big wide world of savings accounts.
2. I’d like to be a size ten. Enough of my ‘be healthy with my body’ riddles. What I want is to be toned, and when my swimming transformation is complete my body will be quite immaculate, which automatically transforms my buxom size 12 curves into taught little size ten lumps. Much yummier. So do-able if I stick to my love of swimming and sweeties for dinner. Healthy, no?
3. To have some sort of answer at my Dad’s health. This whole not knowing thing gets pretty tiresome veeeery quickly. I’d like to have my brain cope with whatever it needs to so that it isn’t secretly working like a little factory at the back of everything. It’s like accidentally leaving your bluetooth on your phone, it runs the battery down so much quicker, but you didn’t even notice it working. I think it’s exhausting me, me and my subconscious.
4. To have a moving out plan laid out. I’d love to move out with my boyfriend into some lovely London-based flat, kitted out in car boot treasures, and photographs and blankets, and a coffee machine with kittens and Sky Documentaries. But right now it’s completely unfeasible. Maybe next year. But it’d be nice to not have it as an idea floating around in limbo, and more something that’s actually in the pipeline.
5. To own a maxi skirt. Lame? Maybe. But I’ve been dreaming of a sheer (possibly pleated) number since last summer and am yet to invest. I’m sure they’ll be as out of fashion as the denim skirt come my actual purchase, but it’ll still make me super happy. So will my wardrobe in six months, which I hope (and pray) will be crammed full of wonderful little second-hand finds that melt my heart.
It’s a short round-up, one that I hope is really REALLY achievable.