I’ve come back to West Sussex for three days to spend time with family and friends and then it’s Chris’s birthday and then it’s Father’s Day and so I thought what better treat for him then to give him a WHOLE ENTIRE WEEK OFF from me going: ‘Can you just take a quick snap of me here plz’.
So here we are, digital detox.
Deleted all my social media apps off my phone and put an out of office on my emails and I am cracking on with my life like it’s 1995 and I am a stay-at-home mum.
My first hurdle was when I woke up this morning and lol sure what am I supposed to do in that weird gap between opening my eyes and actually getting out of bed.
Well lemme tell you, I checked my RewardStyle earnings and my bank balance. All v exciting (read: nothing had fucking changed from the night before but sure good wonderful).
It’s weird cracking on with the day without having anyone to shout my minute-by-minute movements at. There is no-one to tell what I am wearing, no-one to tell that I am planning to stop at the new Pret at Clackett Lane services on the M25 and no-one to go LOOK AT ME at when it’s 9pm and I’m drinking red wine and eating cold Galaxy out the fridge and watching Love Island for the first time ever.
It’s oddly lonely and reminds me that for the most part, it is just me and a five-month old baby.
It makes me realise that despite the fact using Instagram is a physically silent action, it has the ability to make me feel as though I am in a crowded room, as though I am not alone. It gives me people to talk to at all hours of the day about whatever it is I am going through in that very moment, and for that I am entirely thankful.
Lol sure, obviously I cannot stay away from my laptop because here I am in my local Sainsbury’s cafe eating avo and smoked salmon on toast with a flat white, whipping up this post.
There’s an email I want to reply to too, so well done Hannah, you’re really good at digital detoxes.
But there is something rather delicious about knowing I am writing out of pure hysterical love for it, rather than because I’m piling pressure on myself to do it.
Writing and work is my escape from parenthood and it is one of the biggest things in my life at the moment in ensuring I feel OK – that I feel mentally happy with my world.
It’s nice knowing that this week I can stop whenever I want without worrying about any deadlines, and it’s also nice to be able to pick and choose which online activities I dip my toes into.
I’m enjoying having the break from actually putting anything live – if only because the WILL ANYONE LIKE THIS OR ENGAGE WITH THIS OR IS IT SHIT side of pposting is perhaps a bigger drain than I maybe ever let myself admit.
So it’s nice just to live unapologetically and in the moment without questioning whether the rest of the world likes me or agrees with me or whatever.
Just replied to my second email. Snaps for Hannah.
Still instinctively attempting to refresh everything on my phone the minute I wake up only to realise that lol sure OK girl got no apps.
Although I have managed to stop reaching for my phone every three minutes throughout the day so it’s wild to see how quickly that hideous habit can be undone.
Also, was nice to spend three hours with friends without trying to work out the best part in the conversation to cheekily ask for a little outfit snap. Felt like I actually lived in the moment instead of being distracted by the need to create ~content~ (or y’know, search for decent outfit snap backgrounds).
Whilst I am missing Instagram, Twitter and Facebook, I’ve realised it’s only my own uploads that I truly miss. At least for the most part, and especially with Instagram.
I’m unsure if it’s the constant stream of positive reinforcement (lol sure obvs addicted to those bad boy likes) or if it’s because social media gives me an escape from the monotony of my every day life.
Creating that little assortment of squares in cute lil candy colours makes me feel creatively fulfilled – like I am doing something other than having nap time battles. Plus, it absolutely squeals out to the GCSE art mood board lover in me.
I don’t miss checking in with everyone else so much. Does that make me selfish? Self-involved? I dunno. I don’t miss the constant nags from my inner demons going COR SHE LOOKS BETTER THAN YOU AND LOL LOOK OVER THERE SHE’S GAINING FOLLOWERS MUCH QUICKER THAN YOU AND HA LOOK YOU WEREN’T INVITED ON THAT TRIP. I don’t miss the way social media can instantly bring out the insecurities you didn’t even realise you had.
Today I found out something fascinating about myself. When I spend twenty minutes having a wardrobe meltdown in which I am huffing and puffing and dragging freshly applied foundation all over my tops and then throwing them on the floor because FFS WHY DO YOU LOOK LIKE A GOBLIN, it is not necessarily because I am worried about an outfit photo to upload to Instagram.
Because today I had one of those infamous wardrobe meltdowns despite being well aware that there would be no iPhone snap against a pale pink wall.
So yeah, turns out I pull hysterical diva fashion fits regardless of what I’m posting on social media.
Probably doesn’t help that there is a direct correlation between how well my baby sleeps at night and my weight. I’m currently struggling to fit into a lot of clothes that fit a month ago and am convinced that I look like a going off beef tomato. Lol and more lol.
The worst thing about not being on the internet and not compiling my Instagram story fashion edits is that I don’t fucking know when all the online sales launch.
Only discovered the summer sales were in full swing when I was trotting down Oxford Street with my boyfriend and saw giant 50% off signs taunting me from every window.
Made a wild dash into Monki and snapped up a £12 polka dot jumpsuit I’d been eyeing up at full-price (£35) the week before.
Then had to reign it in because lol my boyfriend hates shopping and it’s his birthday treat trip into London, so uh yeah that.
Mixed emotions about the end of my digital detox week.
On one side I am buzzing beyond relief to be back with my community. To feel part of something. To be surrounded by noise even when I am sat in silence. To have my people back.
But on the other hand I could almost walk away now. (If it wasn’y my entire source of income, obvs).
It’s been a nice little twist to be able to hang out with my boyfriend and not get beyond livid because he’s being a moody gremlin over taking one little outfit snap for the big IG (and by one I mean about 73).
Cos guess what fellas? Today I had to take one of those said Insta snaps for a sponsored post I got going live v soon and YES GUESS WHO HAD A NICE ARGUMENT WITH THEIR BEE EFF? Clue: starts with H and ends with Annah Gale.
So yeah, cute Sunday and that.
MIGHT have also had a wee look at my account via Safari on my phone earlier and somehow I’ve managed to gain 300 new followers this week without a single whisper of an Instagram story or post, so that’s nice. Maybe that’s the clue to growth these days? Remaining completely and utterly inactive.
Social media you are one sweet villain and I never quite know if you’re the best thing or the worst thing to ever happen to me. But for now, I’m ready to be reunited with you. Be kind and charming plz.