Turns out there was a time before pale grey walls, white bedding and Desenio framed prints – who bloody knew, eh?
1. A dressing up box filled with your parents’ old clothes because lol ain’t nobody got spare money for actual fancy dress costumes from the Disney Store. Because every princess wore a size 12 sparkly dress from Morgan, right?
2. A lava lamp that took approximately 4783463 years to heat up and actually start working. Looked cute though for the entire six months you had it before your dad whipped it off to the car boot sale though.
3. Torn our posters from your fave magazine – which started off as cute hamsters and puppies from Girl Talk and ended with hunky topless snaps of Ben from A1 out of Mizz. Hubba hubba.
4. A classic Gameboy that looked a lot like a nice lump of concrete. And obviously Pokemon Red or Blue, one of those cameras you plugged into the cartridge and probably some sort of battery recharging pack because your parents were getting fed up of paying £4676 a week on fresh batteries.
5. Glow in the dark stars. Usually stuck to the ceiling with big globs of blu tac when you were eight and lol, still there when you were 18.
6. A TV with – get this, guys – a BUILT-IN VHS MACHINE. OH SWEET JESUS.
7. A large collection of Jacqueline Wilson books, mostly snapped up at the annual school book fair. The Illustrated Mum, The Suitcase Kid and The And Breakfast Star basically taught you everything you needed to know about the real world.
8. A v cute duvet set featuring either the Forever Friends bear or the Bang On The Door Groovy Chick who sashayed about in a striped crop top and hot pink pedal pushers because obvs.
9. A China doll or, y’know, three. Normally circled in the Argos catalogue and received as a v exciting Christmas present. All with creepy faces, Victorian clothes (um ok why?) and their names tattooed on the back of their necks.
10. A slightly wonky falling-apart wardrobe with at least seven peeling off stickers on it. Because what better way to snazz up a piece of furniture than with some shinies from your latest sticker haul?
11. A bean bag, ideally matching your bedding if your parents were crazy and rich and really bloody loved you.
12. A mini fridge that you probably kept a Capri Sun pouch and a Frube in once and then got bored and realised that lol, it’s kinda loud and kinda smelly but you’re going to pretend it’s really cool anyway.
13. A hot pink stereo probably from Woolworths that you could play the £3.99 single you’d bought with your pocket money that week. YAS to the Spice Girls and Britney Spears and to wonderfully shit B-sides.
14. A blow-up chair that was about as comfortable to sit on as a giant blown up condom. And maybe a blow-up alien and a blow-up rucksack because y’know, how can something really be hip and happening if it isn’t full of your spit and carbon dioxide, eh?
15. A bed with a desk and futon underneath if you were mildly fancy or just a cheap bunk bed with the bottom bunk used as a ‘sofa’ for when your mates came over and you were playing DreamPhone and watching your mum’s copy of Titanic.
16. A random wallpaper border in the middle of the wall. Ideally featuring dolphins. Because why were we all so obsessed with dolphins back in the nineties?
17. An electronic pink Dear Diary for your first forray into blogging, obvs.
18. An address book for all those v important letters to all your friends that you needed to send. Also included all your mates’ home phone numbers too but let’s be honest here, you knew those bad boys off by heart anyway.
19. Approximately 472386578657 Beanie Babies all with protective tag covers on because those antiques are going to make you a bazillionaire some day.
20. At least five pieces of pine furniture. Because was your childhood bedroom even really your childhood bedroom if you didn’t have a pine chest of drawers, bed, bedside table, and wardrobe?
21. A beaded curtain to cover your doorway, so that you’d get a handy smack in the face whenever you wanted to leave or enter. Sassy.
22. Some sort of sticker or plaque with your name on the door because heaven forbid your mum might forget whose bedroom was whose and leave your freshly washed Tammy Girl PJs on the wrong bed.
23. And finally, a pair of crimpers. But not just any crimpers – some sort of supper jazzy hair appliance of the future with like five different straightening and crimping plates you could take out and remove and swap about like some hair stylist pro. You go, gal.
Anything I’ve missed out?