I don’t want this post to come across as patronising because awww poor female and her poor period let’s wrap her up in cotton wool and stroke her hair and sing her songs because she can’t handle existing as a person whilst her body functions the way female bodies have for a v v long time. N’awww.
But at the same time, period’s are completely and utterly shit so awwww poor female and her poor period.
(And if you wanna get wrapped up in cotton wool and have someone stroke to you and sing you songs then do it. DO IT).
This is a post for when your hormones are rampaging your body in a way that seems way more aggressive than ever before. A bit like when a gang of ants suddenly appear at a picnic and seize control and you’re all like omg where did you come from and what are you doing and why you so strong.
It’s a post for when you’re questioning whether this *might* be the period to end you. As though your birth certificate might read ‘cause of death: period’.
This is for those days.
Here’s what you need to remember…
1. Cuddly toys are always acceptable. No matter your age. Regardless of whether you’ve got a sweet af boyfriend or best friend or mum on hand to offer reassuring cuddles and tell you YOU DA BEST, there’s something so soothing about a cuddly mound of fluff that isn’t capable of leaving your side. So hey, if you wanna swan into the Disney Store after work and snap up a new Simba toy, that’s A-OK.
2. Peppermint tea is a bit of a girl boss when it comes to soothing the ol’ digestive track. She helps with bloating and excess gas (lols) and helps you go to the loo when it’s ahem, just not happening. Also nausea, she helps with that too.
3. Ibuprofen and paracetamol are *probs* mega obvious ways to cure period pain to most of you, but not me. Nope. It took until my mid twenties for me to realise that the uncomfortable, heavy sensation crippling my lower tummy could be cured the same way a headache could. Why? Because my period pain doesn’t feel like the same kinda ‘pain’ as other pains and I felt like it was something I should just be able to deal with. If you need the pain relief, just take it.
4. It’s nice to wear sexy matching underwear. All that lace. All that sexiness. Imagine if you got hit by a bus and the paramedics could see how sassy and chic you were whilst trying to save your life! (LOL) But also – pants that go above your belly button. That holey bra from M&S you’ve worn almost every day since you bought it in 2011. It’s the latter, the comfy things, the things completely free of irritation that need to be chosen above all else on period days. I’m telling ya.
5. Hot water bottles are sweet gifts from the gods sent to us so that we can find a moment of happiness and calm in a world full of pain and ugly Instagram filters. Never forget that.
6. Despite what your brain is telling you, it’s super unlikely that your period is leaking through your pants and your jeans and onto the chair you’re sitting on. It’s happened to me once. I was 13 and at a theme park in Germany and I went on a water ride and omg mortifying. But like, once in 15 years? I’ll take that.
7. All seven seasons of Gilmore Girls is on Netflix, which makes for the perfect upbeat, zoning-in-and-out of actually concentrating, watching. If you just ignore the fact that every other sentence is about junk food yet they never seem to actually eat more than one bite. I’m on to you Lorelai and Rory…
8. It’s totally OK to say no to things if you’re just not quite ~ in the place ~. Your mates/family/random people you don’t really even know that much anyway, aren’t going to spend the rest of their life focusing all the energy on how much they HATE you because you decided to stay in wrapped in a duvet and two blankets rather than meet them for a drink. You do you. If your brain is like we ain’t got this, then don’t force it. It’s OK to take some downtime as long as you don’t stay down there forever.
9. Periods make you irritable. They make you self-conscious. They make you flustered. It’s those heinous little hormones worming their way into your soul. And because of this you’re going to hate everything you put on. You’re going to tell yourself you look like a troll even when ZOMG IS THAT KENDALL JENNER IN THE MIRROR? Treat yourself nicely.
10. And also, stick to your go-to comfy clothes – the stretchy jeans, the cosy jumper, the v flattering little smock dress. The things that have been in your wardrobe longer than you’ve even had a Twitter account, because those are you real one true loves <3
11. If you wear a tampon and go swimming, you won’t be surrounded by a cloud of red water and strangers won’t point and laugh at you. In fact, it’ll *probably* make you feel better because of those pesky endorphins. You should try it.
12. And finally, if you need to stay in and build a cave and eat pizza and chocolate and drink Ribena, the world isn’t going to fall apart. Sometimes you just need to surrender to yourself and treat yourself kindly in order to grow stronger, feistier and happier.
YOU GOT THIS SWEET THANG <3