For a long time now I’ve felt like I was missing something. My blog was growing, my relationship was stable, my home was all I’d ever wanted, and my close friendship group felt tighter and more magical than ever before. I was happy, I mean – I am happy – but I didn’t feel fulfilled.
I felt like things weren’t aligning in my head the way they should be.
That I was craving something without knowing what it was or if it even existed.
And I guess we all feel like that at times. We wonder if this is as good as it gets. We spend an entire lifetime searching for some higher level without really ever knowing if it’s out there. I guess the thing with happiness and life fulfillment is that because you can’t ever compare your own head to someone else’s, you never know if you’re experiencing it the way you’re supposed to.
When I flew out of Heathrow a little over a week ago, my main aim – other than to tick off a few more States on the ol’ bucket list – was to come home feeling more centred, inspired and re-energised than I had in a long time.
I wanted to understand where I wanted my focus to be, to come home with a clear idea of what it was I was trying to achieve with my life (aside from y’know, being a cat mum and champion Diet Coke drinker).
And up until this afternoon, I wasn’t sure I’d achieved that.
Then, whilst having a gas station break in the depths of rural Louisiana, my Trek America tour guide (@starbarr) asked if I wanted to pull a few tarot cards.
And so I did.
And before I go on and tell you which cards I pulled and what they meant and how they literally changed everything rolling around in my pea-size head, I just want you to have an open mind.
Tarot cards don’t predict the future and I don’t believe they hold some magic power. But what they do do is help to pull thoughts and ideas and emotions from the whirlpool of things flying about your brain and put them into some logical order.
They help you to re-see things which are already in your mind but maybe lost among all the other 100mph passing ideas or worries. To see things from a perspective you might never have considered before. To breathe new life into old thoughts, if you will.
And that, is pretty bloody liberating. We’ll call 9th October the Hannah Gale Spiritual Awakening Day from now on if that’s OK.
M Y C A R D S
I pulled three cards from a shuffled pack, split into three piles and all drawn from the pile I felt most connected to. One card for past, one for present and one for future.
PAST – TEN OF CUPS (in reverse)
PRESENT – SIX OF WANDS (in reverse)
FUTURE – THE HIEROPHANT
W H A T T H E Y M E A N (or at least, how I’ve interpreted them…)
TEN OF CUPS (in reverse) – this card stands for a happy and harmonious home life, and when drawn in reverse it essentially means the opposite. It could mean you’re taking for granted what you already have and not spending enough time appreciating said happy and harmonious home life. Or it could mean that there is something or someone upsetting an otherwise blissful personal life. It is a card that encourages you to mend whatever is broken in your relationship – be it with a partner, close friend or family member – to truly be able to move forward in life.
SIX OF WANDS (in reverse) – without being in reverse, this card is all about celebrating your successes and the long ol’ slog to get to your success, but when in reverse it tells you to concentrate more on the people around you during that success. It says to be aware of your own sense of pride, not to gloat and to focus on friendships. It also says to step back from stresses, pressure and tension within your life and to keep them in check.
THE HIEROPHANT – Now, I struggled with this card because a lot of the meaning is to do with religion and that didn’t feel like something I could connect with. But it’s also about a desire to find the spiritual meaning behind life and life satisfaction. It’s about learning and growing as a person and taking in as much from the people and resources around you and using it to make your mind stronger and your vision clearer.
W H Y I T C H A N G E D E V E R Y T H I N G
Like a lot of you, I’m sure, I spend so long focusing on blogging and working that I sometimes get this tunnel vision, where I’m unable to see anything else. It feels as though it’s become the norm to look at every part of life, and ask yourself how you can get content out of it. This pizza, is it good for Instagram? This day out with my friends, should I vlog it? This cute date night outfit, should I grab some snaps before wine for a post? There’s no shut off point between work and ‘success’ and, well, just living.
Just appreciating people and the moments without work and social media clouding over it.
I have those thoughts all the time, fleeting moments that maybe I put too much focus on work or Instagram or trips away, but as soon as the thoughts arrive in my brain, I push them away. I don’t let myself linger on them, maybe because the reality is that I don’t want to.
But my tarot reading has told me otherwise. This has made me realise that in order to feel truly satisfied with myself – I need to focus on people. My people, and not on myself and my work.
Good content and inspiration and drive and success will come naturally when I am satisfied elsewhere in my life. When I have placed effort in areas that have perhaps taken a back seat to the world of blogging and the internet and cementing a career.
So this is not a good bye, or a post to say I’ll be taking a step back, because the content will still be up and about doing it’s thang just like before, but I won’t allow my job, my pastel-coloured spot on the internet, to hog up as much of my mental space as it has done these last couple of years.
Mostly because it’s not fair on the people around me. And maybe not on me either.
Blog, I love you, but I love my friends, my family, my boyfriend and my cats more, and I wouldn’t have it any other way <3