Yeah, alright, I weekly vlog and do the odd Dear Diary post so you do already get a bit of an insight into my daily life. But this is different, this just kinda lays it out for you.
I had really bad insomnia the other night and this idea just came to me and I was like is that a hideously boring post for anyone that isn’t like, your bedroom wall? Or is it kinda OK in a nosey, I-need-to-waste-4-minutes-of-my-life way?
I dunno, but I’m doing it anyway because it’s Friday and I’m feeling wild and out there and WHAT SHALL I HAVE FOR DINNER TONIGHT AND CAN IT INVOLVE A KRISPY KREME DOUGHNUT PLZ.
Anyway, without further do, this is what I did on Wednesday. It’s a pretty standard working from home day for me, although sometimes I go flippin’ insane and throw a little swim or Pilates class in there to convince myself I’m super healthy and fit and do I look like a Kardashian yet?
7.20AM – Wake up. Have slept for nine hours. Wonder why I don’t feel even a teeny tiny baby bit human. Wonder why I am broken. Wonder how I will be able to function enough to even tackle an eighth of my to-do list.
7.30AM – Chris brings me coffee to bed. Remember why I am with him. Think about the fact that although he didn’t look *that* excited to see me after I’d been away for five whole days, he probably does actually love me quite a lot.
7.35AM – Stay in bed and weigh up the pros and cons of trying to go back to sleep. Pros: I *might* wake up feeling better and more productive. Cons: I probably won’t be able to fall back asleep and lol now you feel even groggier than before and have lost two hours. Sucks to be you, loser.
7.40AM – Pull iPad off bedside table and decide that fuck you sleepy head, I’mma be productive and start pinning photos of cute blog photography because today Hannah, you’re going to stop being so dire at flat lays.
8AM – Make second cup of coffee, go and stroke the cats in the garden and drag laptop to sofa to check stats, reply to emails and schedule tweets.
8.30AM – Get in shower, put on make-up, put on pretty spring dress and pretend like I feel sassy and on top of life. Who run the world? HANNAH.
9.15AM – Drive to Sainsbury’s and buy first peonies of the season and some cute stationery to use as blog photo props. Think about how much of a blogger basic bitch I’ve become and shrug to self. Haters gunna hate.
10AM – Throw half my make-up bag and accessories, along with two bunches of flowers, a marble chopping board, a fluffy rug and a sheet of white card onto my bedroom floor and stare at my ‘blog photography’ Pinterest board in an attempt to take my snaps to the next level.
11AM – Have sweatiest back known to man. Have taken four lots of photos and feeling like a queen.
11.10AM – Reward self with apple, cinnamon and peanut butter and an episode of 8 Simple Rules whilst editing photos.
12PM – Make goat’s cheese, pesto, olives and balsamic glaze on toast because lol, an apple is not brunch.
12.15PM – Reply to emails, tweets and upload new Instagram picture to make sure the world remembers I exist because I haven’t posted a blog post yet today and WHAT IF I’M NOT RELEVANT ANYMORE.
1PM – Take bath and listen to Stephen Fry read chapter two of Goblet Of Fire. Yes, this is a really weird thing to do at lunchtime. Soz. Needed to wash and style hair for more blog photographs.
2PM – Take said photographs (ahem, selfies) and record intro to campaign video from bedroom. Think I *might* have found a new YouTube background that I almost like. Wonder whether I should invest in soft boxes. Check bank balance, realise that nope.
3PM – Edit sponsored video whilst watching more episodes of 8 Simple Rules. Make a cup of tea because how many cups of coffee is too many cups of coffee?
4.30PM – Start uploading video and settle down to write today’s post.
5.30PM – Chris gets home and I’m all I DON’T KNOW IF I CAN POST THIS POST AM I A BAD ROLE MODEL AND WILL THE WORLD EXPLODE. Post anyway. Get overwhelmed with how many of you just get it.
6PM – Make Chris and I Mexican bowls with brown rice, sweet potato chunks, peppers, courgette, refried beans, avocado and a dollop of sour cream because what’s the point of life without sour cream.
6.30PM – Do washing up, wipe down kitchen surfaces and try my hardest to iron Chris’s work trousers with a crease down the middle. Takes me three attempts. We lol.
7PM – Start compiling interior wish list post and bae brings me another coffee because can I go to bed now plz?
9PM – Force Chris to put his hands under my boobs so that he can see how heavy they are. He admits that they are heavy. I tell him to imagine having to carry them around every. single. day.
9.15PM – Switch laptop off, put on pyjamas and start whimpering for Chris to put his uni revision away so we can sleep.
9.45PM – Get in bed and lie awake for what feels like most of the night. Note to self: coffee after dinner is never a good idea.
2AM – Wake up because the bedroom is filled with brightness. Make some comment about why a UFO has landed in our street whilst going to look out the curtain. There’s an ambulance with white side lights on, but no sign of activity. After about 20 minutes we hear it drive away.
3AM – Granger starts snoring. I get up and go and stroke him so that he pipes the eff down.
3.30AM – Rudey jumps on the bed and one moment too late we realise she’s doing a nice big, fat, juicy wee. I grab her and carry her to her upstairs litter tray and hold her there for a moment and hey whaddya know she nearly did a poo on the bed. Dreamy.
3.35AM – We strip the bed, throw some towels down and pull the spare duvet out of the guest bedroom.
5AM – It is fully light outside and the birds are chattering and I AM STILL AWAKE. Think about how much cats have prepared me for real-life human children.
7.20AM – Wake up, wonder why I don’t even feel a teeny, tiny bit human. Chris brings me coffee in bed and I think about what a good egg he is.
Lol. The end. Is this anything like your day or am I just a complete and utter muggle?