Dear Diary: Blogger Friendships

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I woke up this morning and felt, what’s the phrase? Like a deer caught in headlights? Like a rabbit caught in headlights? One of those.

I felt stuck in a moment and I didn’t know how to move forward – heck, I didn’t really want to move forward. I just wanted to stay just sitting in bed, gazing at all the things most familiar to me, like my IKEA wardrobe and our beige bedroom curtains, just, well, indefinitely.

Eventually I got up and I showered and made avo on toast and slicked on a layer of fake tan and finished packing my case for my trip to Marbella, but the entire time I felt so anxious, so unsure.

I’ve been looking forward to this trip for weeks. It’s just Ellie and I on a short press trip to stay at the Amare Marbella Hotel, kind of running to our own itinerary – so although it technically counts as work, it’ll *fingers crossed* feel just like we’re on our own girls’ mini break.

And I am so, so eternally grateful that I get opportunities like this. Little breaks in every day life to do something out of the ordinary and make adventures and memories.

And although I’ve traveled for work countless times before and I’ve done various press trips to different places with different people, this one made me feel like a right anxious Anna. And the only time I’ve ever felt like that before a trip was with Trek America, where the anxiety had riled up so high inside me that I felt on the breaking point of tears for days beforehand.

But that was because it was a long trip with camping and hiking and unknown internet personalities way bigger than me. I felt like a 7-year-old off to Brownie camp with girls from a different school who all knew each other and were a bit older, y’know?

And then I realised that although I know Ellie and WhatsApp her every week and shoot outfit photos with her and sit with her at fancy dinners and gossip over afternoon teas and product launches, I don’t actually know her.

I don’t know what her favourite colour is or how many siblings she has. I don’t know where she was born or what subjects she liked at school. I don’t know how many boyfriends she’s had or who her best friend is. And suddenly I became aware that I was holidaying, technically, with a stranger.

When we met up, outside the Monarch check in desks, just before lunchtime today, it turned out I wasn’t alone in my random burst of nerves and anxiety – she’d felt the same too.

And we’ve spent the entire time since, discussing blogger friendships.

Blogger friends are kind of like your colleagues – you do the same work and you know the same people – but without seeing each other every single day.

You’re friends because you have the same interests and you bond easily because you all have the same woes and dilemmas and opportunities and automatically you just get each other.

You don’t have to worry about explaining that lol you’re filming a weekly vlog and do they mind being in the video and can they take a shot of you against this wall for your Instagram because they know the drill.

It’s a welcome break from having to constantly explain to people what you do and feeling embarrassed for standing up in front of your Nando’s because soz mate gotta get that dreamy flat lay situ.

I feel like a lot of my closest friends are bloggers – probably because, aside from Chris and the cats, they are the people I see most. And, if I’m honest, a lot of my friends I had before I switched over from journalism to dat happenin’ blogging life, don’t get it or don’t like it and it’s created a bit of a distance between us.

But the issue with blogging friends and with the community in general is knowing who to trust. Which people are really your kind of people and which people are well, playing a game.

I’m not throwing shade, everyone has their own business ideas, their own way of making being a blogger work for them – for me that’s frequent content and lots of words because bladdy hell I’m all about the words. And for other people, well, it’s more about being business savvy.

Which makes it so hard to tell whether the person you’re arranging to grab coffee with is all about producing engaging blog posts because they’re passionate about story-telling and taking sassy as hell imagery, or well, buying Instagram followers and trying to get invited to every blogger event going because omg let’s sell all the freebies in the goodie bag on eBay for extra cash.

It’s almost impossible to tell the two apart. Everyone puts on this charming, smiling persona and you can’t tell who’s using you and who just wants a friend to high-five and fare split Ubers with between press days.

Ellie’s one of the good eggs. We’re on the same page. And I cannot wait to get my ASOS swimming cossie-clad butt on the beach to drink cocktails with her and learn more about her as a person, rather than her as a blogger.

So yeah, peace out, boo things.

P.S. would LOVE to hear your thoughts on blogger friendships and the community in general, so let’s start some chatter in the comments. K, bye.

  • I think it’s similar to “mum friends”. Whilst I’m not a mum, my friends who are say they hate being expected to get on with other mums JUST because they’re mums. Sometimes that’s literally all they have in common. In all other respects they’re very different women and they wouldn’t be friends if it wasn’t for the circumstance of having kids in the same class.

    I think it’s nice to have a balance, having friends who get blogging (or just being a creative generally – I have creative/self-employed friends who I look to for support a lot but they’re not bloggers) is def helpful. But we’re more than our blogs and I totally know what you mean about the bad apples!

    I think you can usually tell who the climbers are as they only want to do bloggy type things together. Give me a girly TV binge fest that nobody tweets through any day of the week!

    Have an ace holiday x

    • Totally agree – the pals that text you stupid things they’ve seen or want to just hang out and slob about in your pants and totally switch off from work are the ones who are ‘real’ friends and not just using you for the bloody numbers. GET OVER THE NUMBERS.

      This makes me scared for mum friends, I’m worried that I’ll end up hanging out with people who are totally not my cup of tea just cos HEY WE HAVE BABIES IN IPSWICH and I’ll be miserable.

      Wah xx

  • Lucy

    This is so lovely 🙂 It’s really true. I feel like I often learn a lot about people but never the big things, it’s hard to get a true essence of someone over their blog. This is a great post!
    Lucy xoxo

  • Hannah Vickers

    I love blogging so much, but there are people that just use blogging to get famous.
    I just blog, because it makes me happy, its more a hobby than a job. Although I’m a small blogger with not much of a following, and I have never been to a blogger event, I am just a student blogging about anything that comes into my mind.

    It is good to have people in your life who understand about blogging, but its also good to have people in your life who have no clue about the subject.

    Hope you have a great time


    • Totally agree about having both types of friends. One of my closest gal pals doesn’t have Instagram or Twitter or use Snapchat or read blogs and I LOVE just being with her and not even thinking about social media, it’s such a welcomed change of pace x

  • Hey Hanna

    I think blogger friendships are really cool, especially since you’re 10000 times more likely to be engaging with blogs that are similar to yours or that you enjoy as opposed to blogs that don’t get you….which would ultimately mean that you have similar personalities (if they’re not putting on a front) b’coz you like the same kinda things 🙂
    Have a wonderful time in Marbella, I’m super jelly 😛

  • I have never met another blogger in person, but I talk to a lot on social media (mostly insta and twitter) so I can’t comment on actually forming close relationships with other bloggers. (Any Vancouver bloggers, hit me up!)
    What I can say is that the friendships I’ve developed with other bloggers over social media has been amazing so far, and I am so grateful for those I’ve gotten to befriend.

  • That’s a nice honest post; being a shy unsure blogger who deletes most blogs posts before publishing I am interested to hear how people make blogging friends, mine is a little hobby to keep me sane and I absolutely love reading other people’s blogs, especially the genuine ones, yours is one of my top ones, keep them posts coming 🙂

    • This is so lovely, thank you. BUT GET THOSE POSTS OUT. Obvs only when you’re ready, but face those fears, lady! x

  • Hope you have a great time away! I know the anxious feeling you had!I had my first blogging meet up a few months ago was so nervous about meeting up with the girls but they turned out to be lovely. A few weeks later I met up with one of them as we had a blogging event (my first) I was so nervous but the second we met up again we didn’t stop chatting it was great!! Being a newbie something the blogging community seems a bit overwhelming but everyone I have met so far have been lovely luckily!
    I enjoyed reading this blog post!

    Sophie Kate

  • Such a thought provoking post. If I’m honest, I’ve wondered whether some of the ‘friendships’ out there in bloggerland are actually genuine, or rather a way in which to boost each other’s following. You see many bloggers as “bae’s” one week, then in the next she has a new “bae”. I think some friendships are born out of convenience, in that where you highlighted that bloggers understand one and other, it’s a good investment to spend time with another blogger who will happily take 100 photos of you in the same outfit without complaint. I’ve found the most genuine bloggers are those that I’ve met at events, it’s much easier to spot a fake if you’ve met face to face in my opinion. I’m glad you’ve found a good egg.

    Lauren xx – bylaurenjane

  • han

    Great post and it’s so true! Scary business.

  • Lacey

    Let’s talk about em talks/em Sheldon and her ‘friendship’ with Victoria from inthefrow 😂😂😂honestly the best thing to read on Twitter. em begs it hard off successful bloggers, grown your blog organically you bland bimbo

  • From what you’ve said it seems like blogger friendships are just like any friendship you strike up with people you work with. Some of the folk at work will ‘get’ you, others won’t: even though they ostensibly have very similar interests/career expectations as you. Although you work from home, other bloggers are your workmates. It’s totally normal to be nervous about making that transition from colleague to companion by going on weekend away. Have fun in Marbs! 🙂

  • You totally hit the nail on the head! I have a few blogger friendships and they’re really great gals, who I hope to meet in real life one day, which is pretty nervous thing for me to do anyway. I hope you and Ellie have a fab trip! X

  • I don’t really have many blogger friends, I started my blog because, like you, I love to write! I love to get my thoughts out into the universe, I want to help people or make them laugh but I find a lot of people, as you’ve said, don’t feel the same way as me! x

  • I know exactly what you mean – not being too sure about who is sincere and who is in it for other reasons. But so far I feel like I’ve been lucky in meeting kind and really genuine people and hopefully those who aren’t you could tell fairly quickly (that gut feeling and all). Looking forward to seeing you girls when you’re back xxxx

  • I can’t say I really have any blogger friends but then blogging for me is just a hobbie. I think the same applies to a lot of work places though. You have to suss out who you can trust and who will stab anyone in the back to get to the top. It’s kinda scary but I feel lucky that I have a small but good group of friends and colleagues around me. I hope you enjoy every second of Marbella, can’t wait to hear all about it when you’re back x

  • Could not agree more with this! It’s always daunting when you meet people in real life but I actually find it pretty easy to differentiate between those blogging for the right and wrong reasons. I’ve met some incredible friends through my blog and in all honesty, no amount of opportunities, freebies and the like are worth more than those friendships. I feel like now I have bloggers as real life friends, I have a constant safety net waiting to pick me up and I feel like I’m ready for them too.

    What is awkward is meeting people who you know to be blaggers/blogging for the wrong reasons. As I’m from an SEO/PR background, I spot people with the wrong intentions a mile off and it’s not always easy to sit in the same room as them knowing you have entirely different blogger ethics.

    This is such a great post 🙂 xxx

  • Thirtysomething Belle | Lisa Hoptroff

    This post is brilliant. I’m naturally a loner but since blogging, have made some truly great friendships. Lisa x

  • haha I can so relate to the part about having to explain why you need s certain shot taken just right. My close friends know the drill by now so they just get on with it haha!
    I totally get you though, it is hard to know who to trust I’ve heard some horror stories out there but then equally I’ve seen and heard amazing life long friendships begin through blogging!

  • I often wish I was closer to my blogging friends, even though I talk to them most days I kind of want that uber-close know-everything-about-each-other kind of friendship but I’m not really sure how to go about it. I just feel like blogging friends get me just a little bit more than my regular friends because, like you said, they’re going through all the same things and they just GET IT, and that’s so freeing.

    I’m determined to develop my blogger friendships and get to know them more as people, rather than just bloggers.

    Excellent post, as always, your words are just dreamy.


  • I really wish I could have some blogger friendships. I’ve been at it a year now and I really want to meet people who, like me, blog and vlog. I still can’t wait to do my first collaboration with a YouTuber/Blogger either on my blog or my YouTube channel!

    Katie |

  • Amy

    I’ve only met a few other bloggers but they’ve all been ‘hobby bloggers’ like me which I guess maybe takes the pressure off a bit and people tend to be more themselves because they’re definitely not thinking about buying Instagram followers or anything like that! I think you just have to think about whether you would actually be friends with the person if you hadn’t met as bloggers – I think that about work colleagues too.
    So glad you and Ellie are friends though cause you are literally my two favourite bloggers! Hope you have an amazing time!
    Amy xx

  • nueyork

    This was such an honest and real post! It was really interesting to read, too.

  • Hannah Gale, your posts always give me the impression that you are the sort of person who will get on with anyone and can put strangers at ease with you. I’m starting a new job in September after working in the same place for 13 years, so I’m nervous about building relationships with new colleagues and can really relate to this post. But do you knkw what? Girl, we got this!!! Happy travels x

  • Interesting post! I’ve thought about this a lot! I’ve only met a couple bloggers IRL, but I think lately it’s been a much more supportive community in general!

  • I know a lot of bloggers but there are only a handful who I would call blogger friends for the reasons you’ve outlined above. The ladies who I’ve met through my blog but then gone on to meet for coffee, hang out with their hubbies and chat about life outside blogging are the best kind of friends. Hold onto your good egg I say!

  • I am still a relative newbie in the world of blogging, I’ve only met a handful of local girls face-to-face and although they have been lovely I haven’t really clicked with them. Maybe it’s because I would rather get up and kick my butt in the gym on a morning than have a lie in most days, or the fact that I am a total granny pants and would rather stay in watching Harry Potter & eat Popcorn than go out clubbing… Who knows.

    I have the same though though when I’m at work, I mean I see them more than I see my boyfriend or family and it’s strange how little we know about each other!

    I think you may have just inspired a blog post!

    Emma |

  • I read this aggges ago and didn’t have time to comment so prepare for an essay – this is on point. I feel all my friends are bloggers, but there are things I don’t know and it makes me question ‘heck do I know these people at all?’ Sometimes, they say ‘oh you want to do this with time to spare because I know you’ll freak out about the train’ and I try to deny it but I know it’s true, but other times it’s like you don’t know these details about me that make me me, and I really want to make more time now to listen and share with my friends.

    Lauren x
    Britton Loves | Lifestyle Beauty Wellbeing

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