I was about to start wading through my big ol’ pile of ironing (and when I say pile I mean a pile that’s been neatly stuffed into a cute little vintage-style box into a cupboard because mate, I’m a proper grown-up now with an ACTUAL IRONING BOX) and I was pulling out the ironing board and iron and setting myself up with summin decent from Netflix and then omfg we’ve run out of ironing water.
An actual thing.
Water that smells nice that you can put into your iron to add an extra level of sweet-smelling freshness to your clothes, y’know, just in case the detergent and fabric conditioner wasn’t enough.
It made me realise that a few years back I only ironed things with my hair straighteners approximately two and a half minutes before I needed to leave the house, and now, well, I buy ironing water.
Because ironing water <3<3<3<3
So here’s a list of the other ridiculous middle-class possessions you only start owning once you’ve hit proper peak adulthood. Not just that I’M AN ADULT FML bit at the beginning of adulthood where you spend all your money on Easyjet flights and cheap prosecco, that actual adulthood bit that comes after.
1. Annual travel insurance. Alright, not so much a possession you can take photos of for Instagram and be like look how old I am lol, but something you’ve spent money on, regardless. Gone are the fuck, I’ll buy £4.20 travel insurance on my phone on the way to the airport days and in are the I’LL TAKE YOUR GOLD INSURANCE PACKAGE PLEASE KIND MAN AT THE POST OFFICE.
2. Fake plants because you’ve been into homeware and interiors long enough now to know that you kill every single fucking plant that enters into your home. You’ll spend good money buying the decent plastic greenery to fool everyone into thinking you have green fingers when actually nope.
3. Spare batteries. Maybe like a pack of 12 AAs you keep in a battery drawer because you’re basically your dad now.
4. Serving bowls because sometimes you have other grown-ups round and you cook food instead of just ordering in pizza and sitting in your onesies and you want people to think you take your crockery seriously.
5. A pillow spray (or three) because now that you’re old enough to be plagued by the stresses of every day life because omfg buying a house and mortgages and back ache and I’M STILL 17 INSIDE sometimes makes it hard for you to sleep at night. Thanks insomnia, you little charmer, you.
6. Some posh tea bags, maybe like TeaPigs or something because it’s not all about buying the Tesco value ones so you have more money to spend in Primark. Sometimes it’s about a soothing overpriced herbal number to lie on the sofa and cry into.
7. A medicine box. It has some plasters in that you bought once when your new shoes made a cute red waterfall flow out of your heel, half a box of cystitis cranberry sachets and some paracetamol. You’re pretty proud of it tbh.
8. Some good quality bedding with like, a high thread count. Maybe even a goose down duvet to go with it. And a mattress topper. You feel like a pompous git but you don’t care because that feeling of getting into bed after a long day is pretty much better than eating an entire cheese board.
9. An entire drawer dedicated to wrapping paper and tissue paper and ‘spare’ greeting cards’ and maybe even some ribbon because the day has come when you FINALLY understand Monica Gellar’s ribbon drawer and the world makes sense.
10. A casserole pot. You’ve actually even used it once too, so take that.
11.A lint roller because WHAT IF YOU LEFT THE HOUSE WITH EXCESS FLUFF ON YOU AND PEOPLE NOTICED AND OMG EMBARRASSING.
12. A wine decanter because isn’t it just so heavenly to let your red wine breathe and get itself snuggly down to room temperature before drinking?
13. A garlic crusher because what sort of world would be worth living in if you couldn’t accurately cook from Jamie Oliver’s books? EH? EH?
14. An ottoman. Maybe one at the end of the bed because you so fancy and living in an interiors catalogue, or maybe one in the lounge because you secretly want to use it as a foot stall <3
What have I missed out?