7 Personalities All Women Secretly Have Inside Them

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The idea for this post came to me whilst I was lying in bed desperately attempting to get back into my post-Christmas sleeping routine.

Y’know how it is, two weeks off and suddenly you’re a student again and omg should we go to McDonald’s at 1am for supper and do ya wanna stay up all night and watch Netflix documentaries until our eyes bleed?

Anyway, after an hour of tossing and turning and stripping off various layers of clothes (I often wake up naked aside from my pyjama bottoms – you what?) and spritzing 46374 different sleep sprays, my brain decided to go over weird little details from like a decade ago. It’s cute when it does that.

Anyway, it reminded me of a time, as a teenager, when a boy told me I had three different people inside me.

It’s a good job I’ve managed to make this post sound like I’m talking about some sort of group orgy less than 100 words in. I’m cute like that.

But it got me thinking, that actually, we all have so many different people and personalities that merge to make us who we are.
So erm yeah, here’s all the people us gals all have hidden within our wonderful souls.

 

1. THE TODDLER

I actually love reverting back to this cute little goose. She normally comes out when you’re ill or on your period or tired or run down or y’know, just every day. She demands blankets on the sofa, hot chocolate and Disney films. She’s also known to pull out those Puss In Boots big ol’ cutie pie eyes to get her boo/parents/best friend do things for her because omg look how cute and vulnerable and helpless I am, save me, love me, hug me, play with my hair, stroke my back, go to Tesco for pudding for me plz. Love you.

2. THE LEAN AND CLEAN AMBASSADOR

She’s usually seen in January or in the week following the booking of an all-inclusive beach holiday (oh LOOK this bikini is only £10 in the sale and it’s only left in a size 8, better snap it up as gymsperation y’know). She makes you eye up t-shirts with the word kale on and think about blowing all yo money on Nutri Bullets and cacao nibs and coconut flour. She also makes you tut at people queuing up in a kebab shop at 5pm on a Tuesday until hey wait a minute what a shit day at work I’ll take the lamb shish and cheesy chips to go ta.

3. THE SEXY LIL STRIPPER

You’ve lost two pounds in a week, you poured your new sexy hot bod into a lil River Island number and now you’re three cocktails down and eyeing up a pole in a club. We’ve all been that girl. That girl is sexy and cool and fun and omg if you were this saucy and naughty all the time you’d legit be Instagram famous. You want you. Man, everyone wants you. If only your ex and every boy you’ve ever faniced in the entire world could see you owning this pole right now, sweet jesus lord have mercy.

4. THE PSYCHO MENTAL PATIENT

Remember when the world understood mental illness a teeny tiny bit less than it does now and lol everyone thought that all mental patients in asylums run around screaming and throwing things and hitting people and talking to walls. Well, sometimes you’re that girl. You are the sort of psycho girl that only exists in films. You are hideous and scary and sometimes beetles pour out of your mouth and your eyes turn searing hot red and you’re a bit like a wild beast from the depths of the devil’s infested cave. You are crying into a pair of pyjamas and just screamed so loudly about how ugly you are that the neighbours *probably* just called the police. Gah, everyone loves being psycho bitch girl.

5. THE FAST PACED BUSINESS WOMAN

It’s 10am and you’ve been for a run, showered, whipped off 20 emails, eaten some egg whites, prepared a presentation and been in two meetings and you *think* it’s possible you could be super human but like you don’t want to boast and make everyone else feel inferior. Everyone ADORES the sweet rush of oh em gee I’m nailing life and I’m so productive and I might be elected prime minister and what should I wear. It’s a shame she’s normally followed up by crash and burn and pizza and Netflix girl, eh? ?

6. THE 30 STONE MAN WHO CAN’T LEAVE THE HOUSE

No, YOU’VE eaten five slices of Domino’s finest stuffed crust cuisine, five chicken strippers, a handful of wedges, some ice cream, cookie dough, half a box of Milk Tray and a family size bag of Doritos. In every twenty-something gal is a morbidly obese man despo to escape. Likely to be found stewing in a duvet on the sofa the day before period is due or when midly hungover. Poor mite.

7. THE MOTHER TO ALL THE BABIES

You’re not ready for a baby, nope, not even sure you want them and then sweet mother have mercy have you SEEN the baby on that nappy advert? THOSE CHEEKS, THOSE THIGH ROLLS. And why are your ovaries attempting to get your attention? Pipe down ladies, we’ve got more important things than reproducing to concentrate on, like the new episode of Pretty Little Liars. Broody Barbara usually swans up when your period arrives and for the faintest of seconds you’re like nooooooooo my baby before you remember that nope, you don’t actually want one right now, damn brain.

Is there any other secret personalities I’ve forgotten about? Which ones do you recognise most?

(Dress £15 from ASOS and boots from Ted & Muffy)

  • Poppy

    I’m fighting number 6 today ?

  • Charlotte

    It really pains me to admit this, but this is so true. It’s a nightmare when it’s PMS time and they all come out to play in the space of a day!

    http://www.sheepishlyshameful.com

  • I would be 5 so much more often if there was a Domino’s that delivered to me… >_<

  • I think this may just me my new favourite post of yours.

    I literally have all 7 of these lurking within me. Luckily no. 4 doesn’t come out more often because that shit cray when she does. It’s a wonder my bf didn’t run a mile when SHE came out. Now I’m starting to question why he didn’t run a mile, maybe he’s crazy too? 😐

    Right now? I’m defo no. 6. Thanks Mother Nature you absolute pal.

    x

    http://www.kirstytalks.co.uk

  • This is so accurate!

  • Today I’m 2 and 5 all the way; up to meeting number 5, worked on my side business plus worked out and its just past 1pm. What a day! Glad to know that I’m not the only one with more than on personality!
    Lisa x​
    lisavillaume.com

  • Amy

    I LOVE this, I think it’s probably my favourite post you’ve ever written! And so true, I definitely have all of these in me somewhere, numbers 1&2 the most I think. Genius xx
    Call Me Amy

  • Tasha

    This is unbelievably true, I can relate to every single one of those! I also have an awkward/can’t make up my mind personality where I really don’t know what to do with myself, nothing I fancy watching, nothing I fancy doing and nothing I fancy eating. I usually end up curling up in a ball in bed!
    x

    • YES. I do this. I’m such an annoying misery guys just dragging myself around the house and nothing seems to quite hit the spot. HATE that mood! x

  • I am literally all of these!

  • A post has never spoken more truth. I did intitially think that I wasn’t number one but then I remembered I asked bed-partner to fill up my water cup with a straw last night…..oh.

    Sophie xxxx
    http://www.fashionnomads.com

  • Jessica

    LOVE this!
    So so true it’s scary
    Thank you for lighting up my inbox on a Wednesday morning
    <3 your writing

  • Lizzie

    ‘The girl who cried w̶o̶l̶f̶ all the time.’

    This girl/hideous swamp monster usually rears her swollen, reddened, snotty head just before period time. The crying at food adverts, at old people crossing the road, at crowds of football louts singing the national anthem, at dogs on the news; it is all entirely irrational and completely uncontrollable.

    Unfortunately it’s usually aimed at ones’ significant other who made a slightly mean comment about you being a cover hog in bed. No I don’t care that you’ve apologised for your ABUSIVE remark, I am going to continue to cry, so there. Humphhhh.

    • Hahaha this is totally me in the last two hours. HOW ARE THERE THIS MANY TEARS IN MY FACE and why am I crying over the cats? hahaha x

  • Fabulous. Funny. True.

    You babe HG X

    christinamariemeow.com

  • Looool….I wish I could claim I didn’t relate to every single one of these!

  • Jess

    Hi Hannah!

    Can you do a post on beauty products you just couldn’t live without? If you already have – I will keep searching on your blog!

    Really interested at the moment at what products are out there without having to fork out hundreds to try them all…

    Thank you in advance

  • Haha this post made me laugh! Relly creative
    -Morgs x
    http://justmorgs.blogspot.co.uk

  • Haha this post made me laugh! Relly creative
    -Morgan
    http://justmorgs.blogspot.co.uk

  • As an avid email follower I thought I’d take the time this time to actually comment on how much I enjoyed this particular one! So very true and your writing made me laugh out loud!

    Not to get too soppy but that’s the best outfit I’ve seen you in to date I think! Great dress, suits you to a T! Keep doing what you’re doing Hannah!

  • Oh my goodness I don’t think I’ve ever related to a post so much in my life, YES TO ALL OF THIS.
    I’m currently the wide eyed todler begging for chocolate and tea while wrapped up in my duvet, damn periods.

  • HAHAHA this is so true it’s unbelievable, I sent this to my fiance and all he did was laugh. This is me, all the time.

  • Becca

    Haha, this really made me laugh! I am genuinely ALL of these people too along with ‘ultimate clean freak’ and ‘biggest slob known to man’. One minute i’ll be bleaching and scrubbing each surface, throwing everything in bin bags and muttering under my breath about how under appreciated I am. Fast forward a day later and I haven’t showered since said cleaning spree, am lying on sofa in a pair of holy leggings and surrounded by empty food packets and tea cups. These will stay here for about 2 more days until repeat of first scenario.

  • Fantastic post – so very true! I have experienced all of these personalities!

    http://www.ohsobecky.com

  • Ahahaha this is so true! My boyfriend would definitely agree with most of these… oops! X

  • Yes. Yes I am all of these women. I’d say I am little Miss Clean & Lean most of the time, but trust me, Mr 30 Stone Man Me comes out more than he (she?!) should too! I also like to pretend I’m this really fab, cool, stylish young woman who basically wouldn’t be out of place in Sex and the City and goes on dates and for cocktails at fancy bars and stuff, and can afford gorgeous clothes, shoes, bags, etc etc etc…. I mean, I WILL be her 100% one day but for now, I’ll just pretend…!

    She’s So Lucy

  • How have I not discovered your blog sooner?! I love this! I will definitely be signing up to receive blog notifications 🙂

    This post is so accurate, I am every single one of these! I found myself chuckling away whilst reading it!!

    Love Sophie xox

  • ornela

    What a funny post!!!
    I definetely relate to number one all the time.
    Kisses from Albania!

  • This is so great – some of these (like the Lean and Clean Ambassador) are ones I didn’t even think of as “personalities” that we all have but IT’S SO TRUE. This was hilarious to read even as I figured that 2, 6 and 7 are definitely the most prominent in me haha.

    Sam | http://mybeautycloud.com

  • Number 7 is me EVERY DAY OF THE WEEK!
    Working with babies in a nursery is so hard to resist the ‘oh my god I want one’ comment…until you have puke dripping down your legs, snot on your shoulders, paint in your hair and your leaving work with a migraine!

    Typical day at work goes exactly like that ^^

    Loved this post!

  • This made me laugh!! But it’s so true- I think you’ve related to every girl on the planet.

    Love this post!!

  • 4, 1 and 7 are definitely me. I think you read my boyfriends mind here!

    http://katy-davies.blogspot.co.uk/

  • I am actually all of these…
    TrudyJohanna | UK Lifestyle Blog

  • Rachel

    Thank god its not just me! Was starting to think I needed professional help!
    Love this!

  • Jess

    HANNAH YOU’VE GOT YOUR MOJO BACK. This is why I check your blog everyday – a totally relate-able and ‘omg jesus we are all the same person that is so sad but also so comforting’ post. Da best, never change.

  • Bea

    All of these points got me goooooddd especially the mother of all babies personality

    BCfactor Blog | BCfactor.blogspot.com

  • Hahah, I’m 5 & 6 today – weird combo I know, but being productive makes me feel better about being the 30 stone man that can’t leave the house.

    – Holly x

    http://iblogthefashion.blogspot.co.uk

  • Yup. All so true, as usual?
    http://Www.justbeingbrooklyn.com

  • Katie Ellen

    I love how accurate this is! I’m glad I’m not the only one who goes through all of these personalities! Xx


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