It’s been about 18 months now since I started blogging. Or, well, started blogging again, I should say.
And well, it’s been a right ol’ bag of mixed emotions. There’s been some glorious highs, full of HOW THE FLIPPIN’ HECK IS THIS MY LIFE moments, and y’know, some downs which mostly result in me crying in bed and looking up jobs in Ipswich. Lol.
What a time to be alive.
Anyway, along that bumpy route to where I am now, there’s been a few shockers and surprises. So I thought I’d lay ’em out for you. Enjoy, sweet things.
1. You will run out of bloomin’ damn mobile data every month. Turns out watching every YouTube video known to man as part of research whilst on the train and refreshing Bloglovin every 92 seconds to see if you’ve made it to the popular page, will eventually catch up with you. Who knew?
2. You won’t be any happier with 10,000 Instagram followers than you were with 100. But you’ll still spend half an eternity refreshing to see if 10.1k has become 10.2k like an absolute idiot.
3. You’ll always have a blog wish list and you’ll never be happy with your lot. New blog design, new Olympus camera with pancake lense and 50mm lense. New vlogging camera. Tripod. Remote. Personal street style photographer. Assistant. MacBook. THE LIST IS ENDLESS. And you’ll somehow convince yourself that without these things your blog won’t grow and you’ll be stuck in a rut forevermore and if you could just get given like maybe 10 grand then your blog will be incredible and omg you’d be the queen.
4. Sometimes it’ll feel like financially everything is skipping along merrily and you’ll be like £90 ASOS order? Why the heck not? Ooh and maybe we should go to the cinema and spend half our monthly salary on tickets and sweets and ice cream and Tango fruit blast and then out of nowhere WHAT THE FUCK IS MY AVAILABLE BALANCE ABOUT. Maybe I can pay for my phone bill in hugs? And wait, how will I ever make money again and maybe this is the end and so long blog, it’s been good knowing you, where’s the local Job Centre?
5. Despite the fact being a full-time blogger is a definite real thing (and isn’t just code for: my parents pay for my existence), brands will still email daily asking for free publicity and content. Like, erm hi, Zoella didn’t get her mega mansion by doing every PR person in the entire world a favour and whacking up a post about something completely unrelated to her audience. You wouldn’t email a magazine and be like hi we have no budget but can you do a video, two posts with 7538456 links, social media coverage and give me a lock of your hair please? I’m all for doing things for free when they legit work with my existing content, but come on guys it’s 2015, wisen up.
6. Bloggers won’t openly discuss money or how much they charge, but you’ll hear wild figures about the top dogs that’ll have you wondering whether you should get a cute little two-bed in London for the week to go along with your six-bed country home before you’ve even had a chance to realise that nope, that’s not your income. Meet ’em in real life however, and give ’em a glass of wine and suddenly we’ve known each other since school and yes I take £17538956737486 per Instagram upload* and what? (*slight, tiny, baby exaggeration).
7. People will actively get thrills out of hating you and telling you they hate you and writing about how much they hate you and recording videos about how much they hate you and OMG ALL THE HATE. They’ll become fascinated with your life and becoming infuriated about it and there ain’t nothing you can do to stop it.
8. Everytime you see a sponsored post from a similar-professional-level-peer go up you’ll automatically question what’s wrong with you and your blog and why you didn’t get offered it. Like yeah, you were desperate to get paid to write about fungus, just desperate. What the eff is wrong with you?
9. Strangers will reach out to you and tell you how your words have helped them and you’ll just think about how if they knew you in real life they definitely wouldn’t like you as much, because meh, you’re just you, you’re not like, Britney Spears.
10. Internet and coding is really, really hard and trying to change anything on your blog on your own will make you really sweaty and sweary and teary. You’ll try to Google what to do but it’ll be like reading something upside down in latin whilst drunk and assembling an IKEA Billy bookcase.
11. You’ll compare your blog against everyone else’s approximately 47536 times a day. The layout, the writing, the content, the photos, the body, the face, the hair, the make-up, the selfies, the social media following, the Bloglovin following, the YouTube subscribers, the video editing skills, the style, THE EVERYTHING. And you won’t be able to mute it, like shut up I just wanna get some work done around here.