I remember assuming that weird void during uni – that whole Britney Spears style ‘not a girl, not yet a woman’ period of life – was my quarter life crisis because hey, I’d probs live to 80 and so 20 seemed about right.
My fuzzy brain and unstable mood was more to do with the hormones still whizzing through my body like excitable sherbet landing on a wet tongue, and the fact I felt out of control because omg I’ve just uprooted my entire life and plonked it down 60 miles away and WAIT, HOW DO I DEAL WITH FINANCES AND THAT?
It’s not like I’d say I’m entirely in crisis right now, but I’ve started to notice this questioning of everything. It started soon after my 25th birthday and as I’ve done things like move to Ipswich and take on full-time blogging, I’ve noticed it more and more – my brain is constantly searching for an answer to why we do everything.
Like, what’s the point?
What’s the number one singular most important thing in the world? What should be our daily life motivation? To be happy? To make an impact? To bring about change? To bring children into this world? To do something remarkable? WHAT?
I spend a long time stuck inside my own brain wondering if I’m taking the right path and making the right decisions or whether I’ve got everything entirely wrong, whether I should start again. Whether I should be a doctor or fly out somewhere to help orphans or do something worthwhile, y’know?
But anyway, this is for those days where you kinda feel it too. When you feel like you haven’t got your shit together, when you feel like you’re spiralling, when you just can’t quite grasp where to go from here.
Because babes, this whole growing up malarkey is hella confusing, innit?
1. Growing up is SHIT. There isn’t a person older than you who says that they were happier when they were younger. Everything does gets better with age, you just gotta ride it out.
2. Possessions do not equal happiness, although they’ll happily equal a bank balance that makes you feel agitated and out of control. The quick shoot of OMG THIS IS GOING TO MAKE ME LOOK SO AMAZING that comes from a new dress won’t last forever. You DON’T need the cute new things everyone on Insta is uploading to be happy. You need people, challenges, security and a stable life set-up.
3. Even when it feels like you want to lie in bed and watch Cameron Diaz movies until you get bed sores, there’s nothing that’ll make you feel quite like the sparkliest version of yourself like showering, make-up and getting out of the house – if only to grab coffee – will. And you KNOW it.
4. The easy friends – the ones who you can not see for half a year and then pick up again like ‘ whatcha have for dinner last night?’ are the ones you need in your life. The low-maintenance ones. The ones who won’t judge or add piles of stress and negative emotions onto your already pretty weighed-down shoulders. Dem guys be the best.
5. No-one is ever talking about your downfalls as much as you think they are. Not ever.
6. World domination and master plans do take time. So cutting yourself some slack to roll around in blankets and 4OD doesn’t mean that you’re lazy and not dedicated enough for success – it means you value your mental health over success which is 100% the right way to be.
7. Your mind WILL move on. Whatever is going on in your life that makes you feel :(:(:(:(:(:( will eventually go away. People all around you have survived the most hideous things, and eventually? Eventually they moved past it and found happiness.
8. Staring at water is possibly the most calming vision known to man. Sometimes there is nothing that’ll cure your agitated, angsty mood and then bam you’re staring at the sea and hello to feeling like the wise mother tree in Pocahontas.
9. Nothing will hide a ferocious bad mood (ahem, 2-hour cry-a-thon) like a fedora, sunglasses and red lipstick. No-one need ever know.
10. You’re not the first person to fight whatever it is that’s bringing you down. So speak to people, be open. Discuss with friends, or family or strangers on the internet that have blogged about it. You’re not a freak and you’re about as alone as a photo of avo on toast on Instagram.
11. Refreshing social media for the 97th time in a day won’t clear your mind. PUT DA PHONE DOWN. Be productive. Go for a run, get one of those grown-up colouring books, write until you get handache like you’re at school or bake something with half a packet of sugar in it.
12. The future is completely unwritten for all of us. No-one else has a say in what yours looks like. We’re part of a generation that can get up and do anything without it being deemed out of control or insane or completely mad stonking bonkers. If you want to up and leave and live on an island you can’t pronounce for the rest of time, you absolutely can. YOU are in control of your destiny (lol, I sound like I should have a crystal ball).
13. When you feel overwhelmed, just stop. Remove yourself from a situation, take some deep breaths – the type that you have to really concentrate on – and make some tea. Taking control of yourself and starting again feels bloody damn empowering.
14. There’s something ridiculously comforting about crying everything out. I mean, do it in the comfort of your own home whilst wrapped up in ALL the duvets if possible, because ain’t nobody like having to deal with the aftermath of ‘wait, did a random nice lady on the Tube really have to pat my leg, give me tissues and ask if I’d be OK?’ FFS, that’s the second time this week.
15. Things you’re worrying about right now will seem about as exciting and problematic as a chipped nail come this time next year. Like oh, did that happen? Meh, don’t remember.
16. Writing out life plans and ambitions in nice bright felt-tips pens has a surprisingly motivating effect on your soul, just sayin’.
17. You can Google image search ‘inspirational life quotes’ and sure enough there will always be something that just gets you as you are right now. And it’ll change your mood and your way of thinking and suddenly you’ll remember that life is OK. No, it’s more than OK. It’s fascinating and exciting and unknown and full of opportunity and you’re absolutely going to nail it. Yeah you are, sister, you got this.