I don’t have many friends.
And when I say that I mean the sort of friends you’ve known since you were drinking £4 wine and worrying about essays.
The sort of friends you speak to every day and plan girls’ holidays to Ibiza with and have midweek cocktail and dinner dates with. The kind of friends you could call at 1am crying during a monumental life crisis and they would come running. Those type of friends, the type of friends that are almost sisters.
Part of this reason is because of my location, because I fled my friends and the people and places I knew and loved to start a new grown-up life with a boy.
The other part of that problem is due to the way my life has twisted and turned with every year that I’ve become more and more fully fledged as an adult. My focus has become more about my career and my brand and my success, about cementing myself as a person outside of my relationships.
Maybe it’s because of some underlying fear of neglect – I need to ensure I have other loves and passions to fall back on should people choose to abandon me.
I know it sounds kinda hard and cold and cruel, and reflecting back on it, there are times when I’ve wondered if maybe, all along, I’ve had the wrong focuses in life. If many of us have had these wrong focuses in life, as if we’ve grown up and changed from child to adult prioritising the wrong things. Choosing careers and status over people.
Sometimes my lack of unbreakably close bonds with soul sisters gets me down, makes me feel a bit alienated and trapped inside my own head, and sometimes, on days when I am surrounded by my wider circle of friends and acquaintances, I feel absolutely bloody incredible.
You see, although I am not encircled by close friends, my extended friendship group is vast and bubbling and full of excitement and empowerment.
It is full of the type of women who build me up and get me excited to go out there and conquer the world, to be the best damn version of myself that I can be.
I wouldn’t call myself a hearty feminist. I sometimes drift about a bit when it comes to womens’ rights and it’s something I’m not educated enough in to voice a strong opinion on loudly for all to come hither, but I believe 100% in surrounding yourself in passionate and uplifting women.
About pushing each other up and encouraging and supporting and giving verbal fist pumps to each other.
Since becoming a full-time blogger my life has become more and more about coffee dates. Both with PRs and fellow bloggers and with old digital journalism friends taking a huge leap and either starting their own businesses or jumping industries.
It’s these people who make me feel strong and like I can conquer anything.
The sort of women that after a day of chatter make me want to go home and chain drink Diet Coke late into the night whilst I pour my ideas and passions and emotions into words and keep going with all my professional dreams.
There are so many times when I feel like I can’t do life. As though it is too much and too threatening and it could bring me down at any given moment – it is too heavy, too overwhelming, too suffocating. But, it is being around these people, these creatives who spend all their time and energy searching for new ways to grow, that uplift me and make me feel like GURL, YOU GOT THIS. YOU REALLY, REALLY GOT THIS.
I am constantly questioning myself. Constantly looking for new challenges, new ways to be a better version of myself, and new ways of thinking. I want to look at things differently and learn to not take the negative away from each day, to not live such a rollercoaster of emotions each day, I want to be more stable and stop chasing this perfect life at the end of the mountain climb that doesn’t exist.
And these women, they give me that. They encourage me to keep growing and questioning everything, to keep exploring and building on everything I already have.
They give me a chance to sound out my business fears and woes and my industry hates and the emotions that come from being an internet gal 24/7 365 days a year.
These are my people.
Most of them I may only see once a month or even once a year. But they are the people who pick me up without even knowing it, on days when it feels like the internet is becoming a grey place.
It couldn’t be a more exciting time to be a twenty or thirty something woman engaging in an industry that is growing beyond anyone’s expectations, an industry where the possibilities are endless.
We are all so much more capable than we give ourselves credit for, and it’s sometimes just being with almost-strangers who get you, for you to realise that you’re not weird or alone, you are part of a seriously fucking incredible revolution.
Nah but for realz, what a damn ace time to be alive. We got this ladies.