Because let’s face it, it’s not all Mulberry purses and MAC lipsticks.
1. Pen lids. Normally about three, gathered together in the deep crevices of said handbag and festering with an unknown sticky substance and a lot of crumbs. No pens.
2. A bottle of perfume with approximately 7 drops of perfume left in it. Guys, let’s be honest, perfume is expensive alright? Gotta be prepared for emergency hot boy and BO situations.
3. A notebook or diary from somewhere chic and on-point like Etsy or Paperchase. Used only once, the day you got it, to write your birthday in.
4. A stray bright red Evian bottle lid, because OK.
5. Every lip product you’ve ever owned or no lip products at all. Never an in-between. NEVER.
6. A coin in a currency belonging to a country you haven’t stopped foot in since last summer. How has this been in here THIS long?
7. A receipt for that time you spent the best part of a fiver withdrawing cash at 2am in a club to buy a round of Jagerbombs. Oh you.
8. About 17 hair grips. In a hole in a side pocket that you had no idea even existed. THIS IS WHERE THEY’VE BEEN HIDING ALL ALONG. Them guys.
9. A stamped and addressed birthday card for your friend who celebrated her birthday just before Christmas. Your bad.
10. A nail varnish for that time you were going to paint your nails on the train but then OH MY GOD, WHAT IF STRANGERS JUDGE YOU. NO, DEAR LORD, NOT THAT.
11. A yucky, brass coloured tangled up necklace. Put in your bag so that you could untangle it on the commute to work, but then Candy Crush happened and well, the rest is history.
12. A tampon that’s come out of its wrapper. I mean you *probably* wouldn’t use it in an emergency because y’know TSS, but still.
13. A purse that’s splitting at the seams because you’ve crammed 27 different cards into the card slots, including a Nando’s card, a debit card that expired in 2012 and a reward card for that place you bought a smoothie from ONCE. Uh.
14. Headphones. Knotted headphones. Knotted headphones that only work in one ear. Except when you least expect it and they blare the odd lyric out of both sides when the volume’s on full. What’s life without the daily fear of going deaf, right?
15. A set of keys including a key ring that looks like it’s been repeatedly run over by a lorry and two keys that you have absolutely no idea what they open – Hogwarts? Heaven? Eternal life? – or how long you’ve had them for.
16. Hand cream. Hand cream that you only ever use when you rummage through your bag to look for something else and then you’re like OMG, I LOVE HAND CREAM *puts on immediately*.
17. A phone charger because gurl gotta be able to Instagram stalk allllllll day long.
18. A random bag of salt (at least you think it’s salt) that came with your bag and says ‘DO NOT EAT ON’, that you’ve never, not even once, thought about eating.