Yeah, now you get to drink alcohol until you pass out and drive cars on motorways and that, but being a kid was way better.
1. Building dens using sofa cushions, blankets and duvets. Spending entire day in said den playing Pokemon on your gameboy. Dreamy.
2. Eating crisp sandwiches pretty much every single day. White bread, butter, cheap ham and Walkers. What diet?
3. There was pure hope that on your birthday, maybe, probably, you’d get a puppy or a kitten or a rabbit or a hamster. Yep.
4. Sabrina The Teeange Witch, Saved By The Bell and Recess were on pretty much all the time and OMG SUCH GOOD TV.
5. You used glitter glue like a lot, all the time, for everything.
6. If you were good at school you got to play Zoombinis and HELLO ONE OF THE BEST PC GAMES EVER.
7. When you got a boyfriend at school you didn’t even have to kiss him or anything, easy peasy.
8. You hadn’t quite had to work out if thongs were for you. Sure, you’d be eyeing up those ‘Sporty chick’ bad boys in Tammy Girl in a couple of years, but for now you could stick to the comfort of your floral M&S pants with matching vest.
9. You could lose entire weeks to Mario Kart, Zelda and Banjo Kazooie and that was absolutely fine. Although yeah, it was a fucking nightmare when you got stuck on a level and couldn’t just Google it.
10. You got all your exercise playing Bulldog, Kiss Chase and Stuck In The Mud.
11. Bouncy castles at every single birthday party. A-fucking-mazing.
12. You got to drink lush things like appleade and orangeade at said birthday parties without thinking about your teeth or your gunt or your blood sugar levels. Life.
13. You got to spend at least 7 per cent of your time at school peeling PVA glue off your fingers.
14. And another 7 per cent playing with a parachute wondering when it was going to get seriously fun and someone was going to get thrown in the air or summin.
15. Clicking onto the ‘Kids’ section of Sky TV was today’s equivelant of waking up to 4 Twitter mentions, 8 Instagram likes and a Facebook message. SO MUCH EXCITEMENT.
16. You could print your selfies off the moment you took them. Using a swish Gameboy camera and printer.
17. It was acceptable to eat chicken kievs, Crispy Pancakes and potato alphabet letters weekly, if not daily.
18. You had peel off nail varnish and it was AMAZING.
19. You could go to Wooloworths and spend your pocket money on casettes. Mostly singles by The Spice Girls and Aaron Carter because DUH.
20. You got to watch Gladiators and Blind Date on a Saturday night, rather than going out, getting drunk and making yourself look like an idiot.
21. You could make all your life plans on a little handheld ‘Dear Diary’ computer.
22. Pedal pushers. Pedal pushers in every colour. Pedal pushers worn with hankerchief tops and Skechers <3
23. Sometimes you got to watch 12-rated chick flicks like 10 Things I Hate About You and She’s All That and not really understand any of it. But it didn’t matter because you were WELL grown up.
24. Microwave chips. Microwave pizzas. Microwave burgers. All your summer holiday lunches were SO easy.
25. On holiday, you got to strut about the pool in a tankini. Maybe one with a Groovy Chick on it, or flowers or a bit of flirty glitter.
26. You could spend a good hour in the bath just making potions with your siblings.
27. 92 per cent of all your Christmas and Birthday presents came from the Argos and Index catalogues and were chosen approximately three months in advance with a cheeky circling with a biro session.
28. Spare half an hour to burn? You could just play Eye Spy or Hangman or Noughts and Crosses and genuinly be engrossed with happiness and excitement.
29. You could buy ALL the Jacqueline Wilson books and diaries when the book fair came to your school.
30. Beanie Babies. Beanie Babies in every colour and species that were definitely going to make you a millionaire when you sold them all at auction in 2010. Uh huh. For sure.
31. To look sassy and cool all you needed was a pair of hair crimpers and one of those make-up sets from Argos that came with 31 different coloured eye shadows.
32. You could play Beehive Bedlam on your TV and it was everything. Well, as long as your landline was hooked up to the back of the TV obvs and your mum wasn’t making a phonecall or anything.