Why do we find it so hard to accept that we’re good enough as we are?

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Nearly every single night when I take myself off to bed, I end up lying there for forever just thinking about all the things I could do to make this blog better, to make my life better, to make me better.

I compare myself to other people – and sometimes, after a heavy Instagram social media stalking session – this brings me down and makes me feel inadequate, and sometimes, when I’m feeling OK with myself, it works as inspiration and motivation. I look at other bloggers’ lives and I think about how much I want the exciting things they have – the trips to Disneyworld (looking at you, you Gleam babes), the photoshoots with major beauty brands and the clothes and the parties. I want it all.

I know I have more than most, I’ve worked pretty bloody hard and cried a lot and had no money left in my overdraft a lot to get to where I am now, and I know a lot of you guys look at where I am in my life and think FUCK, I WANT WHAT HANNAH’S GOT, and sometimes, when I’m feeling emotional, I think that too – I think hang on, how did I get here? No but seriously, how did I make it to this place in my life at 25? Like, wait, WHAT? HOW? Because I know I’m lucky, I know I am in some respects – a success.

But my level of success isn’t enough for me, I’m greedy and I want more. I want the world, I want everything. All of it.

I want to be Zoella, except with less Ghostwriting and more boobs and bum.

I want to be Liz Jones without the anorexia and Daily Mail-ness.

But why? Why do I have to keep going on some weird quest for power and money and compliments and admiration? Why can’t I just be content with where I am now?

I’m sure this isn’t just me. Or, I hope it’s not and that I don’t come across as a massive dick. But we, or I, am obsessed with reaching our full potential, with pushing ourselves to our outer limit, of winning every competition in life. We want to be the very best version of ourselves that we can, but when do we pull back?

My blog is churning away nicely as is at the moment, my subscribers and social media followers are going up daily, my figures are strong and I’m getting new emails with work opportunities nearly every single day – that’s incredible, that’s insane and that’s more than I’d ever hoped my blog would be. And yet, rather than be all ‘ahh, time to kick back and just keep on doing what I’m doing’, I’m constantly looking at where improvements could be made.

Should I change the design? Should I buy a special vlogging camera? Should I get Photoshop? Should I learn video editing? Should I pay for Facebook marketing? Should I contact stores about borrowing clothes for shoots? Should I do a photography course? Should I head into London for every product launch invite I get?

It’s exhausting trying to win the world. I wish that I believed that I, and my blog, were enough as is. That I wasn’t constantly seeking more, constantly seeking perfection.

People often tell me they can’t believe how together I am for 25, and maybe it’s my obsession with outdoing myself that makes me this ‘together’. I left university three and a half years ago and have been an editor across major global fashion brands, have a blog that brings in tens of thousands of views a day, and have a pretty ace life complete with slightly-beardy boyfriend, cat and IKEA furniture. That’s pretty good going, right? I should be hella proud, we should all be hella proud.

We should all spend more time reminding ourselves of our achievements, no matter how big or small, and less time focusing on how to secure the next achievement. Because yeah, achieving your dreams feels fucking fantastic, but the novelty soon wears off and you end up pining for the next dream to come true.

It’s like with money, when I got a £25k a year job I literally thought I was going to be rolling around in money and Topshop clothes and full-price cocktails – and now? I’m not even sure I could survive on that because how the flip would I pay for all my lattes and city breaks and furniture hauls that I’ve become accustomed to?

The point being, we always live to our means. We always get used to what we have and pine for more. I could be voted the world’s best blogger and yet I’d still feel like there was more that I could do, more achivements I could tick off my list, more countires I could visit, more I could squeeze into my day.

It’s hard to face up to the reality that we will never have everything we want. I probably won’t have a walk in closet, or be a size 8 or live close to my friends again, but that’s OK, it’s all OK because we are good enough as we are right now.

We are more than good enough, and sometimes we need to remind ourselves we don’t have to be pushing ourselves to our limits all the time. Life is too short to focus on everything we don’t have and exhaust ourselves on the journey to having EVERYTHING.

We grew up with the notion that nothing is ever perfect but also that there is ‘always room for improvement’ and so I spend far too much time concentrating on the improvement, looking for ways to make my life look even more Pinterest-worthy, more ways to make my parents proud, more ways to make my friends envious, more ways to have people like me because I’m obsessed with being the best.

And when I can’t be the best? It kills me. Sure there are things like sports and chemistry and diet motivation that I know I will never have, I don’t even try and compete because I can accept that I can’t be the best at all things – I have restrictions. But when it comes to blogging and writing and holidaying and having a home and being a cat mother and being a girlfriend, I want to win, I want to score 11 out of 10.

And sometimes we need to remember there is no 11 out of 10. We can hit 10, heck we can hit 9 and be proud of ourselves. There will always be someone better than you but there will also always be people a lot worse than you.

Life isn’t about racing to be the winner, heck it isn’t even about success or winning or competing, it’s about living. It’s about doing what makes you happy, rather than what makes you sound better on paper.

Don’t stop dreaming, but don’t spend so much time working to achieve your dreams that you forget to appreciate every day as is. Because life is pretty bloody grand whether or not you get the promotion or the big wedding or win the award or have a baby by 30. Remember that.

  • Your blog is my absolute fave, I love posts like these 🙂

  • This is such a great post, it’s so true, and we all do it. I’m always striving to be someone other than who I am truly am. It’s hard to accept things how they are at present, so instead race around looking forward to the future, then we forget the great things that are happening right now! xx

  • I think you may be over thinking too much. I know as girls we tend to do A LOT of social comparison and it’s so easy to get absorbed into that mindset with the way social media is today, but it’s unhealthy.

    http://www.mintnotion.com

  • Amy

    I love how honest you are on your blog, I don’t think there are a lot of bloggers who put their feelings out there so honestly and without restraint. Keep on doing what you are doing and don’t stress about doing more because you’re doing it right!

    Amy x

  • Lex

    My personal ethos (which I’m constantly straying from) is to not do anything if I don’t want to. If it’s going to make you a better blogger, then do it. If you want to do it to better yourself, do it. Don’t do it because someone else has done it, otherwise you’ll be just like them. Work on the things you need/want to, and cut down on the things you don’t particularly want to do.
    Do you need to take a photography course? No, your photos are great and it’s a skill that can be learned without parting with extortionate funds for the privilege.

    Use your feeling of not being the best to motivate you to better yourself.
    Give yourself a list of skills/tasks to learn or master by the end of the year and even if you’ve only done one, you’re still better off than you were.

    Good luck.
    Hope this comes off breezy and chatty and not preachy and weird.
    Lex xx

  • Thank you so much for writing this, it really resonated with me. I feel like I too am guilty of constantly rushing ahead to the next thing – the next promotion/achievement/pay bracket/holiday/thing ticked off the bucket list – without ever really stopping to enjoy where I am right now. I’m really trying to learn to be more calm and more present and more grateful of what I DO have, rather than trying to rush past it. Like you said – life is good and it’s be a damn shame to miss the great bits.

    sophiecliff.wordpress.com

  • Such a lovely positive reminder, I love the pieces you write like this! You come across as so genuine and down to earth on your blog, a very likeable quality! Hope you’re having a great day 🙂
    Hannah x
    Hanniemc.co.uk

  • Lauren

    Wow! Thanks for this post it really resonated with me. I guess sometimes you need to see the smaller picture and not the bigger one.
    Love your blog…keep it coming!

  • Emma

    I am so grateful that you posted this today. I always find myself thinking this way and just want to say thankyou for reminding me to enjoy the present. Keep doing what you’re doing because it’s great 🙂
    Emma xxx

  • A really lovely post. I’m forever comparing myself to others and it really does ruin my days sometimes. I loved reading this 🙂
    Rebecca // rebeccamariee.blogspot.com xx

  • These types of posts you do are great, I love the fact you are so truthful and have such a natural writing style. I don’t think you’re alone on always wanting to be the best, I’m the same way.

    Kathryn
    nimblenote.blogspot.com

  • This is exactly how I feel when I compare myself to others, but then I just take a step back and appreciate what I have. This motivates me to do more rather than stay in the depressed mood. We shouldn’t compare ourselves to others but instead learn from those we look up to.

    Great post.
    xx
    http://www.greenpencilskirt.com

  • Lizzy

    Hi Hannah, I come back to your blog again and again because it is still nice to look at and honest without being overly slick and perfectly manicured like some of the “bigger” blogs out there! Please don’t feel like you have to be Zoella, I love your blog because you are NOT zoella and you are still down to earth and low key and there are not zillions of commercial in my face sponsored posts of things that I can’t afford. Your honesty and down to earth spirit makes your blog unique with its own niche in the market! I think you have the right balance at the moment 🙂

    • Lizzy

      Oh also, I love your blog design, it is chic and easy to use, and has a good amount of pictures and text. Some bloggers just post pictures whereas you do both, and your writing that accompanies your pictures is a real strength. Don’t be afraid to be different.

  • I can identify with this in many ways. I only started blogging recently, but already I find myself feeling guilty if I ‘waste’ an evening doing something on my own other than blogging. I feel like I’m constantly trying to make it better, and come up with new ideas, and make more blogger friends, but I need to take a break.

    One thing I don’t do though is compare myself to other bloggers. There’s not a single blogger I wish I was like. Because I know that if I really put the effort in and make myself do something, I can. There’s tons I’m inspired by, and I’m not saying I’ve never compared myself to other people in the past, but when you find yourself doing this you need to try to stop. It’s pointless and not productive.

    Plus, if you’re going to say things like ‘I want to be like such and such a person but without the such and such a thing’ then I don’t think that deep down you really want to be like them. You don’t reaaaalllly look up to them, you just look up to certain things they do. And that’s fine. That’s productive, even 🙂

    There’s nothing bad about thinking ‘Oh I love the way she takes photos, I might do something similar’, I think that’s helpful, and very different from comparing yourself to others.

    Remember, there’s nothing that another blogger can do that you can’t 🙂 Sorry for such an essay! I’ll probably read this back and cringe.

  • Hannah,
    This post is so incredibly similar to my entire blog! The title speaks for itself. The way we are IS good enough. We are all GOOD enough.

    whereworryendsfaithbegins.wordpress.com

  • Loved this post Hannah! You are so honest and open – and you definitely are not the only one always trying to score 11 out of 10! If anything, that is such an admirable quality to have, that you are willing to work hard and always do better – there are a lot of people who are just content bumbling along, never really progressing 🙂

  • this blogpost is so true! But your right we need to appreciate what we already have because compared to some people we have so much! We also need to stop dreaming and start doing! If you want something, go for it… If you don’t ask you don’t get!!

  • O

    As a girl on about £6k a year and desperately trying to get to a place where I can afford to move away from my abusive parents, that part about you feeling as if you would find it hard to live on £25k really upsets me. Even with £6k I feel like an immensely wealthy person, but money like that would completely change my life. I’d be able to live it the way I want to, without fear. It is so beyond me how someone could be earning that much and not feel like the luckiest person in the world. I don’t mean to sound judgey or rude at all I just wanted to tell you that it made me feel sad.

    I think accepting yourself is a constant process. You don’t get to a place and completely are okay with everything. Ambition is partially born from a place of desire and motivation to be better or different. It’s natural but we have to do our best to support and encourage ourselves and each other. You could go to bed at night thinking of all the great things you’ve achieved and all the happy moments you’ve had!

    x

    • Lisa

      I have to agree with this. It made me feel a bit disheartened to read anything else.

  • becky ryan

    I’m a new blogger and new follower so this made for really interesting reading. I am doing my blog for myself primarily as I have a pretty decent career and not to sound ‘old’ but blogging was never a career option when I was lookin for work. I would love to attend some of the events i see my friends going to and raise my profile but to be honest I haven’t a clue where to start.

    Good luck I’m sure you’ll get to your goal

    Becky

    Beckyvworld on wordpress

  • I needed this post right now. I have been in a sad/bad mood for a while. I am at the stage where I don’t know what I want to do with my life, but I want to be successful. My blog is doing okay, but sometimes looking at the numbers I get discouraged, so this post really made me think of my blog and life in a new light. Thank you!

    http://www.sweetheartofthesouth.com

  • A girl after my own heart. If you love food, bloody enjoy it, Your website really stands out, and your recipes look good, that I wish I put my hand into the pictures and try the food. I will be trying these recipes as always looking for inspiration and for some good ideas. Thanks for sharing.

  • omg I felt every word as it was mine. Thanks for this and don’t worrie because we all feel the same, at least I feel exactly the same!! Couldn’t have used better words.
    xx

    https://aspoonfulofnature.wordpress.com/

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  • MariaM1

    I get your struggle with comparisons and feelings of always wanting more.. just in general what you say in this whole post. Now, I don’t even like Zoella AT ALL..but that phrase, you want to be her but with more boob and butt.. Isn’t that the exact thing we’re meant to stop doing?? Comparing.. judging.. it’s not good, even if it is a joke/semi-compliment. We all need to try taking a step back from materialistic things and maybe then there wouldn’t be such an importance placed on them.

  • This is such a wonderful post, I really needed to read something like this. I am always always comparing myself to others and whatever I do in my life, no matter how much I can achieve, I always think that this is not enough, that I am also not good enough. It’s actually somehow comforting to know that I am not alone feeling like this, that other people who seem to have it all together, also struggle with this. I’m going to bookmark this post, because I’m pretty sure I will get back to reading it later.

    http://www.meetmeonthebalcony.com

  • Such a brilliant post. I have always said that when I die, my gravestone will read ‘could do better’. I never feel like ive achieved enough. It’s lovely to have a reminder that I’m not alone, and that everyone’s striving for success, and sometimes it’s ok to be ok!

    Jo xx

    She Wears Burgundy

  • I love this so much (and your blog!) I’m saving this post so I can come back and re-read whenever I need a boost. x

  • These are some of your best posts Hannah. I would love to be like you! Be proud of yourself and you will keep on being successful!
    xxx

  • Bethany Taylor

    Slightly off topic from the themes explored in this post however…..

    After a week of replaying the same thoughts in my head whilst daydreaming at work I am so relieved to have come across this post. I often crave to read REAL posts from HONEST people that lay it all bare without fear of being judged on every sentence they share.

    You have definitely found a new blog fan in me I love the bravery in every honest post you share its so inspiring to me and just what i needed after a week of second guessing every comment or opinion I share for the fear of someone taking it the wrong way.

    Thanks for being such a real person.


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