I’ve been feeling a bit down this week, here’s why…

newblogpic

I’ve been ridiculously whingey the past few days. Like a toddler who’s coming down with the flu.

Why? Well, I’ve been able to detect the cause until now. I just assumed it was an SAD-induced mood state or that my hormones were playing about with me for a cruel bit of trickery.

Truth is, I miss my friends.

All of them, the ones who live in Sussex, the ones who moved from Sussex to London, my uni friends, the wonderful ex-colleagues from LOOK who live in London and all the tremendous PR friends I made over the years. I miss them all.

I feel anxious and flustered about my boyfriend going on his work Christmas meal and drinks night out tonight. Not because i’m worried about him getting drunk without me (I haven’t been that girl since I was 16 and my then-boyfriend was cheating on me, obvs), but i’m jealous. I’m jealous that I can’t go out. I don’t have friends.

Don’t get me wrong. I could go in to London, but it’s expensive and the logistics are difficult. A bunch of pals went out last night and I was supposed to go but they met up at 9.30pm, and the last train home to Ipswich is at about 11pm and I could have stayed over but I started work from home at 8am and I guess I could have got up for the first train back to Suffolk, but to be honest, i’m just too old for that shit. So yeah, could have gone. Could have spent £30 on a train ticket, another £20 on drinks and stayed for an hour, but I did the ironing instead. That’s life now.

Chris says i’m being too picky about new friends too. I didn’t reach out to one girl because I didn’t like her shoes in one photo I saw online. But the truth is, I don’t want new friends, I have friends, they’re just scattered somewgere between 70 and 150 miles away from me.

Tonight I want to stay in with the girls and drink cans of Diet Coke, maybe watch a documentary, cook up some cheesy gnocchi and gossip. Tonight i’ll be attempting to do the above with my cat. It’s not *quite* the same.

Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE where life has taken me recently. I love being self-employed and I love living with my boyfriend. I love that I don’t have to set my alarm for 6am and I love that we don’t have to spend every weekend commuting between Ipswich and Leyton to make our relationship work, but I miss my friends so much that writing this is making me well up.

It’s harder when I see people out at lavish Christmas dinners for brands that used to invite me out and know that I don’t get to be part of that close fashion journalist circle anymore, it’s harder when I see my friends doing things without me because I’ve been shit at seeing them and communicating with them, and it’s harder when I see my friends going through hard times and i’m too far away to help them.

Ipswich is my home and it means everything to me, my life is here, but it’s hard to be away from all my favourite people, especially at the most social time of year.

I’m excited to go home to Sussex with Chris next week, to have 5 whole days of people, family and wine. But I know I’ll spend too much of that time worrying about blog traffic, wondering if i’m doing enough work, should I be doing more work? and OH MY GOD WORK.

The struggle to have everything is real. And it hurts a bit.

It’s one of the only things I miss about being a teenager – the way everything is based in one place. Your Saturday job, your education, your friends, your family and you. And sometimes it’s hard to battle with not having that, with being a bit of a stranger in a new place.

So yeah, that’s why today I’m a bit miserable. I plan to eat and drink tea and stroke my hot water bottle in the hope it warms up my soul a bit.

YOU MIGHT LIKE: Sometimes I can’t tell if it’s SAD, hormones or absolutely normal

 

  • Stacey

    I have been having exactly the same thoughts at the moment and although a lot of my friends are still in the same city we all have such different lives, so many of us work shifts so calculating when we can actually meet up becomes a task that requires several Einstein’s and a good dose of luck.

    I know growing up is accepting that you see friends less often and it’s about quality of time of quantity of time but thats difficult to accept when you can’t even manage quality time.

  • I feel your pain hun. When I moved back home from uni 3 years ago I found it hard to adapt to living back at home from London.My social life was always set on London the year after uni. I have been unemployed on and off ,so have found it hard to make new friends. Instead I have volunteered at beavers and joined a choir which has kept me proactive. I think a lot of people feel the same way as you they are just to scared to admit it. I read this post a few weeks ago talking about a similar thing. Xx
    http://www.literallydarling.com/blog/2014/08/25/troubling-twenties/

  • Hollie

    I have exactly the same thoughts! Unfortunately, i think its just part of being in your twenties, still trying to find our feed at doing this grown up thing! Your photo is making me massively jealous of your duvet day! Put on a christmassy film, like The Holiday, it will help!

  • Sophie

    I feel your pain! I’ve been off my feet this week after a minor operation and have so wanted my girlie friends around but as they all live 40-200 miles away and a few now have children it’s not possible.
    When you go home don’t worry about blog traffic! I for one would much rather read about the fun you had when home rather than what you missed out on due to work x

  • Jayem

    I feel your pain in a number of ways but in a slightly different perspective. My old, close friends live near me, but we have completely different lives now. They are settled with kids and I’ve just been dumped again for the second time this year! Its so different to relate.
    I have different groups of single girls that I can go out with, but sometimes feel Im bouncing from one group to the other without really belonging anywhere.
    Just writing this has made it hit home a bit! and maybe im feeling super sorry for myself because well, its Christmas and Im single! But I really think this time of year can be a very lonely time, even when you’re are surrounded by people.
    Chin up Hannah, we all feel it in some way, you’re definitely not on your own there xx

  • This really resonates with me. I moved down to East Sussex with my boyfriend just over a year ago, leaving my family and friends in Newcastle. I find it so hard. Trains can be expensive, and the travelling takes too long to go up there for a weekend.
    I get weirdly jealous too when my boyfriend can go and see his Mam or have a night out with friends because I can’t. It’s so much harder to make friends when you’re an adult, especially in a place you’re not familiar with. I totally agree about the not wanting new friends, my friends are fab, they’re just too far away 🙁
    Thank god for WhatsApp, Skype and FaceTime otherwise I would be in a black pit of sad.

  • Samantha

    You’ve just described my life! When I finished uni, I moved to somewhere completely new for work, which at the time I hated and I thought that combined with not knowing anyone and work being very anti-social was the problem but last year I moved back home and it turns out while I’d been away at uni and the year afterwards that everyone else had moved on too so I have no friends left at home either. They’re all scattered all over the country now and it’s really shit. You feel yourself growing further and further apart from anyone and you don’t know how to fix it and even now when my friends do meet up, I find out about it when the pictures go up on Facebook the following week. I’d love to go back to being a teenager when your best friends lived 5 minutes away and you saw them every day at school! Being a grown up is hard! I’m glad I’m not the only one with this struggle xx

  • Gemma

    Unfortunately more people can relate than you could possibly realise. I for one am definitely a lonely soul who has lost soo many friends throughout my 20s. Sadly I feel that I don’t have the time to catch up or go out with my friends anymore as work is so consuming that I’m just too exhausted when I do find the time to find an excuse to leave the comforts of my sofa, cats and stack of DVDs. Friends I have had from previous jobs, college, uni, my school friends who used to practically live at my house every single weekend – they’ve all dispersed and their own lives have made them just as preoccupied. It’s miserable to realise that it’s been so long since you last saw one of your bestest friends that it isn’t as comfortable as you expected it to be and you’re then finding excuses for next time when you’ve realised that things will never be the same as what it was before. Children have been added to the mix, new boyfriends that have taken your girly friends away without intention – it’s all a part of it. I love living with my boyfriend and cats, seeing my family regularly and how crazy my job is but something is always missing, and I’m always trying to fill the void with a new hobby or more work to distract myself. I used to be so sociable, but now I probably wouldn’t know what to do if someone new wanted to meet up and hang out. Probably make plans then cancel last minute and stay at home to watch the same DVD I’ve seen a million times before in my onesie.

  • Stella

    This is such an interesting blog Hannah, I never really experienced this as I have lived my whole life in the same place and as none of my friends went uni and we are stayed and lived in around Rustington. I do however experience it through Tom and can see how it effects him having all his friends either scattered all over the country or many friends are settled down with children and homes of their own that I can see his frustration at times and possibly his loneliness!

  • I can relate to this a lot! I think I spend more evenings with my Cat that with my friends as we are always so busy and I’m bad at organising. I hope you feel better soon 🙂

    Christie x

  • maybe you need to make that extra effort now and then tho – otherwise you’ll lose the friends you love? my best friend lives in vegas but we text/skype/fb almost every day so we just make loads of effort! why not invite your girls up for a weekend sleepover? http://thewanderlusthasgotme.blogspot.co.uk/2014/12/new-years-eve-plans-in-london.html

  • LB

    I read this and sighed a BIG sigh of relief. Reading your blog is always so relatable. Nice to know I’m not the only 20-something going through this mid-20 stage!

  • Christina

    Hey, so I know exactly where you are coming from. I have friends nearby but they are always quite busy with their boyfriends so I tend it just see them during the week so the weekends can be depressing! I know you said you don’t really want to make new friends but just incase anyone else sees the comments and they at interested – I have recently joined the website meetup.com where you can look for groups of people in your area who want to meetup and hang out because quite often they want to increase their friendship circle, I joined one a few months ago and have made some good new local friends. Might be something to look into.x

  • I know exactly how you feel. I moved away from everything and everyone I know four years ago for work. I work in a mostly male-orientated profession so making friends at work isn’t easy; the wives of middle-aged men don’t like it if someone in their twenties starts showing an interest in their husband! I’m like you, I have friends – loads of friends – but just not here. And wanting someone to come over so you can eat pizza and watch crap telly is one of the things I miss the most! When I meet up with my uni friends we have two nights: a slobby one in pjs and drinking wine and then a night out. It definitely is the best way to catch up! The worst thing (which I have succumbed to) is Meetup. I have met a few people through that but it’s not the same! I want to shake some of the people at these events and shout loudly ‘I’m not one of you!!!’ Some of them have zero social skills and you can see why they don’t have friends! Do you have any other ways of meeting new people? Mayne the topic could warrant a blog post?

    Love the blog!
    Px

    • Christina

      It’s a real shame that the meetup you went to was full of weirdos. The one I joined was brand new to the area so everyone started meeting each other at the same time. Yes there are a few people that you know you wouldn’t be friends with but for me I’ve found a handful of people that I can now last minute text for coffee or pizza and we get on really well.

      • You are lucky Christina. Like I say there are a few people who seem to be in a similar situation to me so I will keep on at it. Good to hear you had a positive experience!

        Px

  • I really feel this. I moved to London about 5 months ago for what was my job then got made redundant. I have never felt so lonely in my life! I put all my eggs in one basket with my job and thought those people were my friends until I was fired. I’m 22 and although I’ve achieved a lot and I love my boyfriend, he is my best mate, its just not the same as having a woman as a best friend who understands you to your very core. Women are wonderful I just wish I was surrounded by more of them!

  • Katrina

    I’m the same. I moved back from Birmingham last year and I feel so miserable! I try and see friends from school when I can but it’s so hard because they lead busy lives (I’m unemployed so I don’t) and I can’t afford to go and visit my other friends all the time! It’s so sucky! I miss having my friends around 🙁

  • It’s so crazy how many people seem to be going through the same thing. I think it must be your 20’s and the long struggle to juggle everything until you’re settled. Thank you for writing this, it’s always nice to know people are in the same boat. <3 http://www.dirtydisco.blogspot.co.uk

  • Harriet

    I feel exactly the same..I moved in with my boyfriend to Southampton which was supposedly neutral ground for both of us (I lived in Bournemouth and he was in Portsmouth) but it turned out he had work mates in the area. I’d moved there and had a new job, no friends and no family around whereas he had mates and his family just down the road (my hometown is Buckinghamshire) and I was really down about feeling lonely plus I hated my new job from week 1. It tore us apart because he felt guilty leaving me but also felt like he couldn’t go for after work drinks because I would be on my own. I felt shit all the time like I was just waiting for him to come home. We broke up but got back together and decided to move to portsmouth together – I was against it at first because I didn’t want my friends to be his.family etc because if anything happened to us I would have nobody again. Ive been here a year now but still don’t have those proper friends I click with which I do get down about – I’m fine with him.going out in theory but i do get jealous and last night I ended up having a go at him for changing his plans last minute even though I was already busy..I wanted him to have a taste of what it’s like to sit at home bored when your other half is out but that will never happen because he’s got friends and family around. I know it’s mean, but i think I wanted him to have a shit night lol

  • Thanks for this post- I feel sad that you’re down, of course, but at the same time it’s sometimes nice to know I’m not the only one feeling like friendships have become so difficult! I miss the days when you’d spend all day at school chatting with friends… and then go home and spend the evening on MSN/ texting/ long phone calls. Now it’s hard to schedule a couple of hours with friends!
    I always thought that going to Uni would be the test of a friendship- whether you stay in contact, or whether you drift apart. But now I’ve found that the real difficulty is after Uni, when you suddenly don’t have all the time in the world for a 3 hour phone conversation or to set up camp in Starbucks for the afternoon. I miss those times… damn twenties, and jobs and responsibilities.

  • Sarah

    These words have resonated so much with me, as have the comments made. I moved to Brighton alone a couple of months ago and although I live with two girls, I often feel incredibly lonely, especially as I am struggling to find work so spend a lot of my time job hunting – not the biggest mood lifter.
    I hope you the break you need at Christmas, both from work and the anxiety you are feeling. Time in the company of your family and friends will be wonderful I’m sure!

  • Tanicr

    Hi Hannah, I know you say you don’t want any new friends but I honestly feel like you have loads you’ve never met before through this blog. I swear if I knew you in real life we would be the exact same person; you make me howl with laughter on my lunch breaks and sometimes I’m like damn it I need to meet this girl, have some prosecco & put the world to rights! PS. I would be funny with people with ugly shows too…

  • Pingback: Happy New Year? Not when you’ve got depression | Do Things Backwards.()


Recent Videos

Follow Me