23 Things That Happened At Every Teenage House Party



1. The bathroom being locked for at least an hour and no-one being sure if people were having sex in there or if someone was passed out in a puddle of their own vomit. Normally the latter.

2. Turning up with two giant blue WKDs feeling pretty smug with yourself, only to run out of alcohol by 11pm and start shotting anything you could find in the house. Namely your friend’s parent’s vodka, whiskey and err… neat Pimm’s. Eww.

3. Be-friending the one idiot who’d bought a bottle of Apple Sourz with them (normally someone no-one liked much who just wanted to be cool and fun and make friend) and drinking all their sweet, sweet nectar. SO YUM!

4. Getting ready with your friends before the party, and all sharing one pair of GHDs that someone had brought round in order to make your hair straighter than a piece of A4 paper. Cute.

5. At least one friend wearing a rara skirt, ideally one from Pineapple Dance Studios because you were all aspiring dancers, duhhh.

6. Being ‘drunk enough’ after two sips of a drink to start chain smoking Marlborough Lights for the rest of the night.

7. Arranging for everyone to arrive for 7pm, no-one coming before 9pm and being absolutely terrified that it was going to be a no show because everyone had better things to do than to attend a free house with skinny, drunk 15-year-old girls. Turns out, no-one did.

8. Buying a disposable camera because OH MY GOD ALL THE PHOTOS, and maybe you could get a snap with your crush? Except most of the photos would be too dark to develop and you’d just be left with the memories in your head. Sad face.

9. Having as many people as possible trying to stay the night at the host’s house, because FUCK trying to hide being this drunk from your parents.

10. And then having to sleep next to your friend and listen to her getting fingered. Ah, the romance.

11. Being all grown up and making ‘cocktails’. Also known as lashings of Iceland’s Vodkat and a mixture of fruit juices from the 3 for £2 section. Scrummy.

12. Being absolutely terrified all night that if the noise got too loud the neighbours would call the police.

13. Which they pretty much always did. And then trying to pretend that no there was no party or underage drinking going on. Just a casual girls sleepover, obvs.

14. It hitting about midnight and everyone rummaging through the cupboards for snacks. Even if they didn’t really know the host. Come on, there’s got to be some Doritos hidden in here somewhere…

15. Someone who had a reputation for being a bit of a slut, taking their top off and prancing about in their bra, because OH EM GEE, so much sexiness. Love me, boys.

16. Everyone wearing tops and bras that pushed their boobs up to their chins whilst at the same time showed off their amazing pink diamante dangly belly bar.

17. Someone turning up with a bottle of wine and asking for a glass and being like WHO IS THIS SOPHISTICATED BEAST?! Wine is for adults, weird.

18. One of the boys getting hold of some weed, smoking it in the back garden, and the whispers about who had done drugs going round everyone with utter disbelief and shock.

19. The first people who arrived at any house party were always stone cold sober and had been dropped off by their parents, and sat awkwardly on the sofa unsure of what to do with themselves.

20. Planning your outfit for at least a fortnight in advance, having an extreme shopping trip especially, picking out a really sassy pair of heels, and then walking around barefoot with your chipped glitter toe nails the entire night.

21. Spending the entire next day either slogging away at your Saturday job or in your pyjamas watching chick flicks and eating potato smiley faces whilst relaying gossip.

22. Because there’s only one toilet and over 30 guests who’ve broken the seal, everyone just doing nature wees in different corners of the garden. Lovely.

23. School on Monday being the most exciting thing ever, with new gossip and rumours about who got with who flying about hourly.


Just me or were house parties pretty much the best thing about being a teenager?


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