You know what’s jolly good fun on a Monday night? Drinking copious amounts of wine at the 8 Northumberland whilst chatting to an ex-fashion editor about how insane Vivienne Westwood and how everyone in her local butchers has no idea that she’s famous and just thinks she’s mad.
Here’s 20 things I learnt last night…
1. Lucy Watson is really skinny. Like, she has a super hot body and a great pair of legs. Standing next to her will make you feel like some sort of gigantic creature of the swamp.
2. She thinks Cheryl Cole’s make-up is always amazing. I heard her say this whilst she took selfies in the toilet. True story.
3. Everyone in the world loves Accessorize’s camera bag. Pretty much everyone. Especially Instagram. Everyone on Instagram loves my new Accessorize camera bag.
4. It took nearly 50 hair pins to put my hair into an updo. I don’t understand.
5. ‘Blonde’ eye shadow from Bobbi Brown is the perfect eyebrow shade for people with mousey coloured eyebrows. How do I know this? BECAUSE MAKE-UP ARTISTS USE EYE SHADOW ON EYEBROWS TOO. It’s not just me being lazy.
6. They also used much more contouring powder on my jaw-line and chin then I do. So that’s tomorrow’s make-up routine totally changed.
7. They also only dab a bit of mascara on your lashes. Which is weird because most of my friends spend about 20 minutes putting 47856 coats on and this means that they’re all wrong. Haha.
8. Vivienne Westwood likes to talk about fracking a LOT. She spoke about it for 20 minutes whilst everyone else pleaded and did little prayers inside their heads that she’d hush down so we could eat our pea and scallop risotto.
9. Proudlock is hot. Soz boyfriend.
10. I never tire about discussing the future of fashion magazines. Especially if I’ve been plied with wine.
11. Liz Walker of ex-Marie Claire fame (she’s now nearly 70) is pretty much the best thing ever about the world. She’s like the rich, posh grandma you always wish you’d had. LOVE.
12. People are mean. Some curly haired witch sat in my seat even though the seat place said ‘Hannah Gale’. That, or my eye sight is a bit off, and there was some curly haired witch called Rannah Cale at the event.
13. It’s really easy to fall asleep on the train from Liverpool Street to Ipswich. Thank God for phone alarms, eh?
14. A lot of people sneak out of these events before dinner is even served and it’s really hard for me to not eat their dinner after i’ve had mine. Because, well, steak. Just, steak.
15. A smokey eye will almost certainly run down your face after about 45 minutes.
16. Tallia Storm is my favourite 15-year-old ever. Bae doesn’t drink a drop. Which is a far cry from my paraletic teenage self.
17. There are a lot of stroppy celebrities who act like divas despite people like me (journalists who dabble in showbiz) not having the faintest clue who they are, what their name is and what they do. You guys.
18. Laura Whitmore’s end of the table ran out of wine and she had to nab ours. Girl was having a great night.
19. The lighting and carpet at 8 Northumberland are not made for Instagram photos, outfit of the days or selfies and this should be resurrected immediately.
20. Smiley faces and chicken dippers are the best cure for any basic Tuesday hangover. FML.