Why the internet is so obsessed with telling me i’m shit in bed


Lets get something out of the way.

I’m not having bad sex, I don’t need to get laid, I’m not a virgin, and I don’t need to be sacked from the Metro for my poor writing that resembles that of a 10-year-old.

But I’ve been told all of the above about a thousand times over, thanks to a string of viral posts about sex.

I’ve had over a dozen blog posts written about me, about how I make women think it’s not OK to enjoy sex, about how I’m taking a step back against feminism and advocating rape and sexual assault.

When in honesty all I’m trying to do is relate to people.

I’ve obviously done something right because my four pieces have done mega bucks, having a combined half a million shares and 7 million page views. So there’s that.

With Internet fame, comes the haters in their truckloads. And, although I can ignore the article comments (something I suggest every aspiring journalist learns to do, otherwise you’ll end up crying in the bath whilst gulping back tear-seasoned wine) the Twitter abuse, the texts and the emails are a bit in your face.

Serious though, someone did once text me. Like, um, don’t you think you could have projected that negative energy into saving goats or rehoming carrier pigeons or something?

The land of the Internet is obsessed with how bad in bed Hannah Gale is and how bad her boyfriend must be too. The poor mite. But they never stop to think that maybe I pull the worst or funniest or most routine sex memories for the sake of my writing.

If I write about the orgasms and the love making and having sex on hotel bathroom floors whilst drunk, people would close the tab and go and read about the Eastern European woman with 7 kids who lives in a council house and just got a boob job on the NHS on the Mail instead.

You know you’d read that shit. I’d read that shit and I am bloody Eastern European. Sort of.

The fact that online bullying means you can remain essentially faceless and anonymous is too big a thrill for some a people.

You people need to go get laid, you’re the ones with too much time on their hands, pent up anger and clearly no idea what sex is really like…

In case you missed them, here’s the stories that have got people all in a hoo-ha.




  • Have the people leaving hate ever had sex? My friends & I were in hysterics reading all of the above posts because you speak the truth, they are all so relatable! Keep doing what you’re doing because I am LOVING reading it!

    Jess xx

  • I’m glad you wrote this..you shouldn’t have to justify yourself but I read the Vice post yesterday and thought it was pretty clear that the main reason they’d wrote it was to try and piggyback the success of your own article! Unfortunately I found theirs considerably less relatable…

  • I think the articles are fab! Screw the haters, you keep doing what you’re doing girlllllll!

  • “your metro storys read like a 12 year old virgin wrote them fucking hell”… really? Well right there my friend, are the grammatical errors and spelling mistakes of a 5 year old. Don’t have time for people that can’t even insult you correctly Hannah. I envy your success and hope I will be as successful as you one day.

  • I found this absolutely hilarious and SO relatable! As with all your other sex posts, it’s all happened to us one time or another. Keep going because more of us love it than hate it!

  • I much preferred your ‘unsexiest things about sex’ article to the one in Vice! I found it way more relatable and I think women like Paris Lees try to make girls feel like they’re less of an empowered woman if they don’t have daily orgies and talk in graphic detail about how great sex is. Women obviously enjoy sex, but I was really glad your article made it ok that young women don’t all have to be completely sex-obsessed. It’s definitely OK to complain about sex sometimes and still enjoy it. Being realistic and down-to-earth about sex does not make someone a prude. I thought your article was funny and honest and I really enjoy reading your writing. Keep up the good work!

  • I love these stories. Each one. They’re brilliant, and funny and I even slapped my thigh several times, full of mirth. It’s hard to ignore bullying but you’re doing a wonderful thing by making many women say “Oh, thank god! It’s not just me!”. Keep up the good work. x

  • Sophie Searle

    Urgh, I had never heard of Paris Lees until a minute ago when I popped over to Vice to read her article…well let me tell you Hannah I’m with you 100 percent, she’s obviously in the minority, I get the impression she’s saying what she thinks men want to hear, and what you say is the truth! I love your articles, you have me laughing out loud. X

  • Anon

    Personally I found your articles hilarious – the one thing you must bring to sex, a sense of humour.

  • Emma D

    I love your articles, I can relate to most of them. Sex is enjoyable, its just all the gross and awkward stuff that goes with it (which you make funny and relatable) . Keep doing what your doing, because its funny and frank!

  • Hannah:

    Maybe you’re having good sex – hell, maybe you’re having *great* sex – but your attitude to sex sucks. You don’t understand fundamental (and incredibly important) issues around consent and abuse, and you seem to determined to use the platform the Metro gives you to seek out cheap, prurient laughs, even if that means offering a consistently body-shaming, sex-negative message to the people who read your column.

    It would be good if you actually engaged with a few of the ‘dozen blog posts’ written about your work, rather than resorting to catch-all, passive-aggressive rants that come across as far more patronising than anything I’ve seen written about you. When you post articles about things that ‘all women think’, you ought to be willing to discuss and defend that position, and the fact that you’d rather shut down debate than actively embrace it doesn’t speak well of you as a journalist.

    Given that all 11 of the comments under this blog right now endorse your writing, I wonder whether you’ll be brave enough to approve mine. I might be ‘faceless and anonymous’, but I’m willing to stand by my views, and I’d love to debate this with you at greater length in a forum of your choosing.


  • vikki

    Dear Hannah,
    Why, why, why are people so up tight! Personally I found all of the articles hilarious. With at least having experienced 5 of the situations from each article. Very embarrassing striptease and fanny farts always happen at the worst possible moments.
    Maybe the world is losing its sense of humour??? Whatever the haters problems are, I think your writing is great. Keep it up girl!x

  • Honestly, I remember reading your 21 unsexiest things post and doing a somebody-finally-admits-semen-dribbles-down-your-leg air-punch. Bravo.


  • Rachel

    I’ve been stalking your blog on and off during lulls in the office and, firstly, if I’d have read this seven or eight years ago, there’s a good chance I would have been inspired enough to follow my own journalism dreams, rather than listening to the hundreds of people telling me “there’s no point, you’ll only earn 9k a year!” Just thought I’d get that out there.

    Secondly, I came across this post on a link to something, and all the sex articles are SO relatable; who hasn’t had ‘accidental finger up bum’ or someone trying it on with anal / objects! I fail to comprehend how that means you “do not understand” issues about content. Can’t understand whether my annoyance is more towards the needlessly uptight and offended, or the typical trolls like Paris Lees: her article about how freaky she is in bed reminds me of guys who tell girls they have a larger than average penis. If you have to brag about it babes, it ain’t true.

    Keep up the excellent work; very refeshing to read relatable articles about anxiety, depression, (and the constant battle between the love for food and not wanting to be fat)

  • These are hysterical and so relatable! haters gonna hate, but keep going girl.

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