What does your anniversary mark? Your first kiss? Your first date? When you became official?

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I’m writing this as I’m on the train home from Ipswich with Rudey nestled beside me in her travel box, with her two toys, Owly and Brian.

I’ve had a phone call from my land lady to say that there’s been a water leak and that my flat might be flooded but she’s unsure because she’s in Ibiza, naturally.

Despite the fact my cat, Rudey, sleeps most of the journey, forcing her to make twice monthly trips on the train literally makes me feel like my organs are about to tumble out of my mouth. I get such bad parent guilt that I fear I might not ever be able to have human babies without crying myself into a swollen soppy mess every time they’re unhappy.

My boyfriend and I have been travelling between London and Ipswich for the past year, with only a handful of the past 52 weekends spent apart. There’s no denying we’ve both sacrificed a lot to make it work – my friendships have taken a hefty battering, Rudey’s cat life has been disrupted, and my Sunday night blues are about 635373 times harder than they ever used to be.

This post isn’t about the struggles of a long-distance relationship, it’s about the fact that me and Chris don’t actually have an anniversary. Uh huh, no anniversary. No additional excuse for presents.

It’s different when you’re your younger, you just count the days since your boyfriend’s friend asked if you’d go out with them whilst they lurked about 20 metres away.

Back when you were boyfriend and girlfriend before you’d even met outside if school or even kissed. But now, now you have he date you met, the date you first kissed, the date you first slept together, the date of your first date, the date you decided you wouldn’t get with anyone else and the date, if there even was one, when you defined the relationship as boyfriend and girlfriend.

Which one do you choose?

Ideally I’d have all of them as an opportunity to be showered in red wine, flowers and good food, but you’ve got to be realistic.

And what if you were seeing each other for months and months and months before you both decide to label it?

What if to everyone else you are a couple, but you’re not a couple that’s officially discussed you’re a couple.

The dating world is plagued with so many more tribulations than the world of courting that our parents and grandparents adhered to.

I want to know what you guys think. When you think me and Christopher should settle down to celebrate our love with a baked Camembert, bottle of Argentine Malbec and a supersize bouquet of flowers (this is a hint, please take note).

We don’t need an anniversary to appreciate each other, but sometimes it’s just nice to just have an excuse to celebrate and eat food and drink alcohol like its actually Christmas.

 

  • Totally agree with having an excuse for food/wine/flowers! I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3.5 years, the first 2.5 were long distance. We count our anniversary as the first weekend he travelled to bristol to visit me, cos we can’t remember exactly when we started using ‘boyfriend/girlfriend’. I guess this was when we started our relationship, before that I’d just been to Oxford to ‘visit’ some of our mutual friends and have nights out (mainly to see him haha) but I know what you mean, it’s hard to define these days.

  • Me and my boyfriend have been together nearly 2 and a half years now and we class our anniversary as the date we made it official, but to be honest I think it’s because it was the only date we could remember!

  • We have two anniversaries. The day we met and the day we got married. 🙂 I’d recommend the day you met.

  • that sounds hardcore – good on you for making it through so far! i reckon when you officially go on your first date… http://thewanderlusthasgotme.blogspot.co.uk/2014/07/a-year-at-home.html

  • My boyfriend and I class our first kiss date as our anniversary. We were pretty much going out from then (we both didn’t see anyone else from then on), but it wasn’t made official until a few months later. It’s totally up to you and the relationship!!

    Chrissy x
    http://www.chrissylilly.com

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