I won’t lie to you, this list only has 12 of my favourite things and not about 17 because as i’m sat typing this i’m washing all my holiday clothes, and, despite my best efforts, my Primark beach cover-up and bikinis don’t look as photogenic whilst sopping wet on the drying rack next to my boyfriend’s holey pants.
I’ve never been very good at holiday fashion. I can’t wear crop tops or skorts or anything that shouts LOOK AT ALL MY SKIN, because, well, i’m not skinny enough because I just really bloody like McDonalds.
My legs also look like raw sausages from the knee up, so it’s best that that part of me is well hidden from the public eye.
Nonetheless, for this holiday, a beachy trip to Halkidiki in Greece, I had a complete fashion breakdown a week before take-off, panic bought anything I could find in Norwich (I know, mental), took it all home, realised none of it fit, and then spent a fortune on ASOS. Standard.
Here’s what I actually ended up wearing…
1. New Look clutch, NO IDEA HOW MUCH THIS COSTS
This little gem was a gift from the SS14 press day, and also comes in watermelon and lemon varieties. I’m addicted to the colour orange at the moment, so much so that I just spent a fiver in Tesco on a notebook for blogging ideas in the exact same shade (I know, I had no idea they sold notebooks in that price range either…). I love that it’s a bit different to your standard clutch, and has made me pretty excited to see what other gems New Look throw out in the handbag department next season.
2. ASOS check dress, £25
This was one of my emergency buys that landed on my desk approximately 36 hours prior to my plane departing from Stansted. I practically recoiled in horror when I realised it was made out of a jersey material, and announced it was being sent back immediately. After trying it on in the Metro toilets and showing every female within a 10 metre radius of my desk the photo of my trying it on – I kept it. And i’m so haps I did.
3. Trinket bracelet, £6.50
OK, so technically this doesn’t count since I actually bought it from a little tourist shop in Afitos for seven euros, but I love it, and I love trinket-y jewellery (my eyes are basically bulging in my eye sockets over the new Zara Simon for Accessorize collection). I’ve got an obsession with buying bracelets on holiday (as well as shot glasses because i’m a total chav) but this is my grown-up foray away from your typical rainbow coloured threaded style. Also, excuse my apparently mega hairy arms (?!?!)
4. H&M animal print sliders, £12
I bought these as part of my 100 days of happiness, and immediately panicked over whether they looked as vulgar as my mottled back fat. I won’t lie, I did Instagram them purely to have people tell me they liked them to ease my I-have-no-money-and-ive-just-spent-it-on-something-rank guilt. Thanks guys, I’ve come to be OB-BLOODY-SESSED with them. My slightly chicer upgrade on last year’s neon flip flops.
5. Miss Selfridge beaded kimono, £95
I was lucky enough to be gifted this gem last summer during my time at LOOK as something to wear to V Festival with the lovely Miss S girls. Since then I’ve pulled it out for every special occasion and holiday and received a billion compliments on it. The manager at our hotel (Achtis Hotel, Halkidiki) actually stroked me repeatedly. Strokes. Proper strokes.
I now own four kimonos, and yes, people in Ipswich Tesco give me weird looks on a Thursday lunchtime when I wear them whilst photographing weird products in the fruit aisle, but they look blinking good with a tan and a margarita, don’t they?
(P.S. Soz for the old photo, this ones from Mykonos last September)
6. Illamasqua lipstick in Soaked, £18.50
Not a fashion buy, but out of all the lipsticks I packed, this was the one I kept wearing over and over again. I love the bright orangey-red shade so much, it is in fact embedded in my cat’s fur in several places from my insistent kisses. My bad. It’s silky, stays on for ages, and doesn’t dry my lips. Although it does end up on my chin when I eat apples. *Gives up all fruit for eternity*
7. ASOS floral dress, £25
Another piece from my panic shop, this beast was reduced down from £65. The major flaw is that it is so tight around the tops of my chubby arms that my boyfriend has to forcibly put it on me and take it off me. And then, because I can’t move my arms in it without fear of it splitting into a million pieces, my boyfriend has to put my shoes on for me. But hey, what’s fashion without making yourself look like a complete moronic tit infront of your loved ones, eh?
8. eBay envelope clutch, £5
Ordering things from China on eBay almost never ends well, but somehow, this little dream did. It hasn’t fallen apart in a fortnight, it doesn’t smell like Playdoh and, well, it looks pricier than some of my pricier high street buys. I like to have a clutch or pouch inside my airplane bag to hold the important things like my Passport, Carmex and headphones. I’m already planning to order it in a selection of other pretty colours.
9. New Look necklace, £12.99
My ONE successful buy from the infamous Norwich shopping trip (alongside a lot of new pants). I had a lady from my hotel stroke this too, and another lady from a corner shop compliment me on it, so I must be onto a winner. I thought I was over the statement necklace, but this colourful swan of the jewellery world has utterly wooed me. As the lady in the corner shop said ‘it can transform any boring outfit instantly’. Such a style maven that one.
10. Neon leopard scarf, £9
This is my ‘i’m-a-cool-fashion-mum-i-promise scarf’ for when I have children (aside from my cat, obvs). I bought it from a shop called Maria’s Corner Shop on holiday and am pretty happy about the whole set up as it stopped me catching hypothermia and dying on board my Ryanair flight home. I tend to carry a scarf in my hand luggage as a shield against the notoriously Arctic plane air con. My flight back was so nippy, I actually spotted a woman in a ski jacket, and another guy fishing out his sleeping bag from the overhead lockers. And there was me in a boob tube, the amateur. The absolute amateur.
11. Beach hat, £9
This was another Greek buy. I bought it on the first day, alongside a mint choc chip ice cream and some cranberry capsules for my ravaging bladder infection. I know guys, I know, I am SO rock’n’roll. It actually hurts a bit. I suffer from a scalp that sunburns the minute it’s not snowing, thanks to my unfairly fine hair, so a beach hat is an integral part of my holiday wardrobe. Naturally I buy a new one every year because they always end up misshapen and soggy thanks to being squished up against a damp bikini in my suitcase on the way home. My bad.
12. Topshop wedges, £19
This was the first holiday where I traded in my flats for wedges in the evening, and actually, it’s something i’ll be doing again on my next holiday. I have a pair of nude H&M wedges I’ve had for years, but my latest addition to the collection came from eBay. YES, I nearly broke my ankle in them trying to walk down a hill littered with stray kittens, and then tried to drag my boyfriend down with me, but I love them, and they make me *almost* want to bin my heel collection because they’re just so darn comfy.