I have hit a life lull.
Following years (or decades, FFS) of pushing myself forward with education and career goals, I’ve sort of hit a dead end.
I’ve run out of academic achievements to aim for and I feel a but odd. Since age 4 we’ve all had things to aspire to, goals we’ve wanted to achieve. To learn the alphabet, to get a level 5 in SATs, to pass our GCSEs, to get our first paid job out of uni, but when you sort of reach your end goal early, what do you do?
I feel like the last few years, job-wise have flown at ridiculous speed. You know when you’re driving on the motorway on your own and you get lost inside your own head and the music, and you look down at the speedometer and there’s a few seconds where you think FUCK, how am I going this fast?! And your heart leaps into your throat as you pull into the middle lane and let yourself roll back to 70mph? That’s how my last couple of years have felt, slightly wild, slightly out of control, and just a bit too fast.
I’m happy to settle now, I like where I am. I earn good money, I enjoy my days, I don’t get Sunday Blues and I get to do what I’ve always wanted, essentially write entertaining pieces about the things that amuse me most – cats, Nintendo, Teen Mom and One Direction. It’s insane and people always tell me how lucky I am.
But the idea of not having a next goal lined up is utterly bewildering. I’m not frantically searching job sites for my next step up, I’m not taking on extra tasks at work hoping they’ll be noticed by people above me, I’m just, sort of, staying put. Taking my full lunch breaks, leaving on time, and treating it as a job that pays money to support my life, rather than treating it as my life.
But to not have a challenge I’m working on is confusing for my brain, and, although things have worked out with my career, I don’t feel life contentment, it feels as if there are so many either things missing.
I have sacrificed a lot of things that once made me happy to get to where I am now, and it makes you question whether having a dream job should really be everything you aspire for growing up.
Tonight I’ll be writing a list of 10 things that make me insanely happy and 10 things that make me feel sadder than the time I accidentally googled sad cat stories and saw a picture of a microwaved cat. I’m hoping it’ll open my eyes to what I really want in life, and that way I’ll be able to determine some new life goals.
The things to aspire to that don’t involve impressing other people, working late and stressing out over emails and office politics. I’m rather excited.
If there’s one piece of advice I can offer up anyone battling their way to their dream job and feeling miserable at the journey to get there, just remember, it’s only a job.
The things you should be aiming for are happiness, good company and ridiculously magnificent memories, not just a job that looks good on your Twitter bio.