I famously like sleep.
When I was 10 and trotting off to my first girls sleepovers, I was always the one that got drawn on, had lollipops stuck in my hair and had my hand put in a bowl of arm water, because I just bloody well needed my sleep, and clearly my childhood friends were raging bullies.
Even now I secretly fall asleep in pretty much every episode of Breaking Bad my boyfriend puts on (it’s pretty rubbish anyway, so it’s not all that shocking tbh). I’m not sure he knew that before, so HIIII.
I also snooze my alarm so long that I leave myself 17 minutes to leave the house, and yes, that means I pretty much never shower in the mornings, SURPRISE.
I’ve now whittled down my every day make-up routine to a mere four minutes.
Twenty seconds… of moisturising.
I use the amazing Origins GinZing moisturiser because it’s so unoily. It’s almost like a gel for the skin and smells bloomin’ incredible. It says it has caffeine in and wakes up your skin, but, like, what does that even mean? It’s good though, buy it.
Ninety seconds… of foundation.
This is probably the bit i spend longest one – mostly because my skin never feels like an even colour unless it’s got a good helping of foundation.
I’m lucky enough to not suffer drastically with acne, but I do have a hella oily t-zone, so I like a foundation to mattify that.
At the moment I’m using this Benefit bad boy, which has a powder effect which rather nicely soaks up the grease. My absolute favourite is Clarins Extra-Comofrt Foundation. It’s just dream and honestly makes your skin feel Photoshopped.
I won’t lie and pretend I use brushes and sponges and special beauty applicators. I’m a clean hands and a squirt of foundation on the back of the hand sort of gal. Have been since I was 11. Using my fingers to get an even coverage.
Sixty seconds… of eyebrows
A lot of people might think my eyebrows are too dark, especially as I’m blonde(ish), but I like a striking brow. It’s 2014, who doesn’t?
My eyebrow colour matches my dark mousey roots, and I’ve got an embarrassing secret to admit – I fill in my eyebrows with eyeshadow. YSL eyeshadow at that.
I mix together a caramel shade with a deep brown to get the right shade and freehand fill my brows in with a tiny, tiny lip brush.
The colour stays all day, and it’s mega quick. Win, Win.
Fifteen seconds… of bronzer
Bobbi Brown’s shimmer brick has always been one of those dreamy beauty products I’ve admired from affair, and so far, I think it’s living up to the hype.
I use a big blusher brush to sweep my cheeks and do a gentle 3 shape on either side of my face.
I find involving the dark shade in my brush sweep makes my cheeks actually brown, which makes me look like it’s my first time using make-up, so, yeah, I tend to avoid that…
Ten seconds… of highlighting
My highlighter is so old make-up artists would probably cry. I got it from the media lounge at Vauxhall Fashion Scout years and years ago, and it’s lasted so much longer than any Benefit High Beam, and does the exact same job.
I dot a small amount under my brow and do a C shape, sweeping it round onto my cheekbone.
Forty five seconds.. of mascara
Some girls can spend 15 minutes working on their eyelashes, using multiple different mascaras. One for lengthening, one for thickening. Right now I’m sticking with just one.
I’m a fussy mascara user, I hate comb brushes, and, thanks to my oily skin, I find mascara just seems to smear down my face throughout the day. FFS.
At the moment I’m sampling this Clinique number, and so far, so good.
It doesn’t make me want to die everytime I catch my reflection in the work toilets, so that’s a plus.
AND THEN I’M DONE.
Except then I pull my slightly greasy hair into a top knot.
And just wear jeans and a mens H&M t-shirt, because I’m lazy and sleepy and seem to think it’s OK to look like a boy at work. Oops.
Didn’t even filter my face, yo.
Did filter this though… No-one’s skin needs to be seen this up close.